We don’t choose our thoughts
This is actually a story where I don’t really have something to teach you that you can improve on.
It’s called the human condition or the inability to stop thinking.
If you could choose your thoughts. You would choose to have just feel-good, happy thoughts all the time. If that’s not you. Congratulations. You’re human.
Since two months ago I started working at a new place. Meeting new people and new work I’ve never dealt with before. Well, that’s actually pretty normal and I know that time will get me used to things. Theoretically, I get it. But the mind chooses to ignore my good will and decided that calling me stupid and a fraud will solve the problem. Maybe evolution didn’t even mean any harm and it was just signaling me: “fucking learn more and improve to survive”. Not knowing that it just tackled down my self-esteem and my feeling of self-worth. Ignoring how much recovery time is needed before I want to be part of life again I’m going down the spiral-thought. I start blending the lines of not knowing if my thoughts have become me or if I have become my thoughts. I try to get out of my head. Outside, just outside.
The triggers that get me out are almost always different. A talk with someone I trust, a meditation session, a reality check, the feeling that I’m not the only one suffering. At least I kinda laugh at myself for being so distressed about something I can’t even control. Have you tried to give a fuck about your thoughts? It’s a pretty liberating feeling.
I get myself back up and try to make a little bit more sense of my world. The only thing I can control is my reaction anyway. I choose to be excited, about discovering a new me (even if I have difficulty in believing it sometimes). I choose to be adventures and learn a little bit more about this place called life.
Here is some Science about our brain to explain why we can’t choose our thoughts: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/can-we-control-our-thoughts/