What Are Your Deal Breakers?
Recently, I had lunch with one of my NC people and one of the topics covered was “deal breakers” in relationships. This subject is such a tough one to swallow. I had to sit on whether or not I’d turn it into one of the subjects I wanted to write about.
Relationships are tricky. Period.
What one person may think of as ok in a relationship, another person may freak out about. While I understand it may be ok to just go with the flow in some situations, I’ve learned you have to know what your limits are. There’s no point in staying in an unhealthy, fruitless or even nonproductive situation, if you can avoid it. I personally have 3 deal breakers that I try to stand on.
1. They have to communicate.
Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know how to communicate their needs or wants (or even their dislikes). I know I don’t. If I’m doing something you like, tell me. If you’d prefer I do something different, tell me. If I’m bothering you, tell me. It’s never a good feeling to have your lover wake up and decide they don’t want to be with you and their concerns etc have never been communicated with you.
2. No surprise relationships.
This one falls under whether you are exclusive/monogamous or not. I was checked majorly during this segment of our conversation. If you aren’t exclusive then it doesn’t matter what they’re doing outside of your time together but in this day and age, I feel like this should be a part of the discussion. **INSERT: I do not like to share men and too many women are comfortable doing trifling stuff.
No one likes being blindsided by a surprise relationship or another person interrupting your relationship when it could have been put out there from the beginning. Besides, I need to know what to expect if something was to go down, how many parties are involved, and whether I’m just here for the ride (translation: being strung along/not being taken seriously). I also would like to know how much of a risk I am taking. I’ve tried to sell my eggs before and they ask you A LOT of personal questions, which have to do with your sexual history AND that is money!
3. No surprise babies.
I say no to surprise babies because children are innocent. That’s a brand new life that’s being brought into this world. If you can lay there and take part in creating that life then you can take care of them. This topic was a big one during my conversation because she threw in a key point. No babies under the age of 5 years old.
Yea, you’d be amazed at what people will do to get out of their obligations. You’d be even more amazed at how easy it is for your love to slip right back into a relationship with the parent of their child. It happens ALL the time (I’ve witnessed it and experienced it).
That’s just me being honest.
In my opinion, everything else can be worked out. Some may even think my deal breakers can be worked out. I honestly believe that as long as you have open communication then all of the other nuisances many people are bogged down by in relationships can be worked out (outside of the whole surprise baby thing).
Some of the other items that were thrown in were drug habits, spending habits, family (relationships and background as a whole), violent behavior and giving you the right amount of attention. It all depends on the person. There are so many more deal breakers that depend on who you are and what you require to make you happy. These are just a few. So, what are some of your deal breakers in your relationships?
As always, hope this helps someone!
*This post has been edited since being published.