I’ve learned from you

It doesn’t hurt me to say that I don’t feel anything anymore. I’ve cared more than I should and I’ve never gotten what I deserve in return. You wanted this. To hurt me? No, it’s more than that. There’s a strange confidence you got when you ruined me. But unlike him I’m fixable. At the top of a 14 hour span I felt love. I was madly in love with the notion of us and you told me you were too.

At the bottom of the 14 hour span, I felt like my words meant nothing to you.

I’m struggling to type the next word. My hands are cold and I can see my veins on my pale-colored hands. I don’t know what’s next. I don’t think I want to know. If this is how it’s always going to end, with me not even seeing it coming, and somebody’s feelings changing from day-to-day, then I want to be alone forever. But I feel nothing.

I’m neither sad or happy.

Not regretful either.

I’ve learned from you. The ability to feel nothing.

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