This is all I have left, please forgive me because I can’t

I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming. It was feeling like I wanted it to happen but wasn’t getting nothing in return. How many times can you be understanding and bite your tongue? How many times can you blame yourself, but you’re not the one to blame? I don’t have anything left it feels like, just a keyboard and demons in my head. I’m holding it together the best I can.

I forced the words I needed to hear so I can have my pride intact. I never got out the words that I don’t think I wanted to hear, and maybe that’s a good thing. I’ve always heard that the first time is the hardest but it certainly doesn’t seem that way. This time it wasn’t my fault! Why am I more upset than her? If I go back to feeling nothing like I use to maybe it’ll help. Or maybe that’s what she wanted, for me to feel nothing. Do they do that? Do they kill your feelings with a swift sword?

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