Why you should become a Homiesexual Esoteric Shapiroist if you are a North Eastern American Conservative
If you’re anything like me, you absolutely love seeing libtards getting trolled epic style. You look up videos like “Ben Shapiro DESTROYS libtard feminazi compilation #5” or “Alex Jones RANT on evil Satanic pedophiles in our globalist media”. You also own a MAGA hat, an Ar-15, and also have a few flags that aren’t associated with countries that exist or no longer exist (i.e.: A Roman Empire flag or Gadsen flag). Most importantly, you live in the North Eastern part of the United States, and are a proud supporter of Donald J. Trump. If you do not meet this criteria, read no further.
So let’s examine who Ben Shapiro is. According to Wikipedia, “ Benjamin Aaron Shapiro (/ʃəˈpɪəroʊ/; born January 15, 1984) is an American conservative political commentator and writer. He has written seven books, the first being 2004’s Brainwashed: How Universities Indoctrinate America’s Youth, which he started writing when he was 17 years old. Also at age 17, he became the youngest nationally syndicated columnist in the country.[2][3] Shapiro writes a column for Creators Syndicate, serves as editor-in-chief for The Daily Wire, which he founded, and hosts a daily political podcast and radio show called The Ben Shapiro Show. He is the co-founder and former editor-in-chief of the media watchdog group TruthRevolt.[4]”.
Already we know that he is very intelligent just by looking at this mere quote. However, it doesn’t do him any justice to his inherent divinity. That’s right, Ben Shapiro is a divine entity (take that Cucktholics)! Even though he humbly claims to be a Jew, Alex Jones has claimed he is a closet atheist. This makes sense seeing that when you are a deity, you need not worship them. One thing that can be noted is that Ben Shapiro fills the traditional role of The Sky Father seen in many polytheistic religions. He shoots lasers (which is technically just pasteurized lightning) from his eyes as seen in the Episode of Freedom toons “Ben Shapiro DESTROYS Liberal”, he is a male sex symbol in the American Conservative community, and he has a towering height of 5'9 (yes daddy). YHWH, Zeus, Odin, or Tengrii, it is very clear that Ben Shapiro is the truest form of all of them. Born to the Chosen People, Shapiro is the most chosen of them all it seems. His, although a doctor, is not a deity however. This is where we get into the Homiesexual part of things.
We have discussed how Ben Shapiro is the Sky Father, but that leaves us with one question: “Who is the earth mother?”. Well, the earth mother technically isn’t a “mother”, but rather another father. You may know him as The Dangerous Faggot, but I know him as our rightful Divine Caretaker. Milo Yiannopoulos is married to a black dude, and this is important to our attaining invincibility to racism. When we have Brosex with one of our male friends, we cite the holy words “No Homo”, and then proceed to copulate in an hour of intense spiritual exercise. The dominant person, which will switch every other week, takes on the role of KARA BOĞA (or Black Bull in Turkish). It is then we become spiritually black, and thus are immune to being called racist by Liberals (and we can say the N-word yay :D). Yet I did not adress why Milo is the Earth Mother (or father in this case). To start off, he is the bottom, which represents being close to the Earth. He also brings people DOWN TO EARTH with FACTS and LOGIC. He also gives us warmth and hope, by presenting a soft, socially acceptable conservatism that gays and minorities can get into!
Now finally, we address why you, a North Eastern Conservative should be a Homiesexual Esoteric Shapiroist!
1. You can longer be called racist
2. You can show how based you are by being in a demographic that isn’t typically conservative
3. You can help Israel win!
4. Health benefits
5. IQ boost
6. Able to shutdown retarded leftists wherever you go
To conclude, I should mention a few things for proper worship. When making an Altar to shapiro, it should consist of a picture of him surrounded by index cards of conservative talking points you really like, sort of in an Iron Throne fashion. There should also a silver bowl covered by a MAGA hat in the center (this is your offering bowl). Shapiro prefers the sacrifices of foreskins, printed out Louder with Crowder articles, and Fly Agaric. For Milo’s alter, have a picture of him, but surround it with an array of colored dildos, preferably in a rainbow pattern. Milo prefers sacrifices of the blood of prepubescent boys, liberal tears, and pictures of Based Minorities wearing supporting Donald Trump.
Works cited:
“Ben Shapiro.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 10 May 2018, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Shapiro.
“Ben Shapiro DESTROYS Liberal.” YouTube, 27 Apr. 2017, youtu.be/k1R53U9lNcM.