Acceptance and Life
Have you ever heard of the 5 stages of grieving? They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance? I have gone through all stages multiple times since recently being diagnosed with Huntingtons disease. Life catches you off guard at the most inconvenient time. I have also been in a year long nasty custody battle. I thought for sure that nothing could get worst than that and then came the diagnosis. I wasn’t expecting it. I was at the hospital for sinus tachycardia. The doctor asked my family history. I told him my father had died from Huntington’s complications. The Dr. then did an exam and he mentioned my fine tremors and other neurological symptoms that I had never paid any mind to. He seemed very concerned. I was then immediately tested for the gene and off they sent me. Let me tell you waiting for the results was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Now thinking well what about my kids? This is genetic and if I’m positive for the gene than they could have a 50/50 chance of getting it. Also, I tried to tell myself that I was too young for this. My dad was 50 when he was diagnosed. I’m only 31. Well, apparently this disease doesn’t care your sex or age. I did have it. I had a cag repeat of 43 and i was placed in stage 2 a month later. I’m not able to drive or work a traditional job anymore due to the progression and quick onset. I knew for a while i was sick, but never knew what it was. I have been mad, I have cried, I have even had major depression due to this terminal diagnosis. However, yesterday it hit me that I still have 5–10 years to live. I’m going to accept my fate and enjoy life with my loved ones. I’m not going to stay in despair. I’m involved in research and would love to become an advocate for the disease. I have accepted that is now my life and I choose to make the best out of it. I will write, blog, and would love to do a documentary on Huntingtons. My life isn’t over. Maybe, it’s truly now beginning. I’m on a mission and have a Bucketlist to make.