(I was) Standing on the Verge of Getting It On (in Hull)

The idea was structurally sound. I’d stand for MP in Hull and on 8th June sweep to an unexpected victory on a tidal wave of enthusiasm and joy under the political umbrella of Hull Goes With Scotland. Let’s face it who wants to stay in the UK anymore. It’s shit.

It was clear* from the small number of exploratory conversations I had in advance that most people in Hull want to live in a self-governing city state, free from the bureaucratic shackles of both Yorkshire and Westminster, and would be happy to throw their lot in with Scotland wherever our destiny takes us.

In return we’d negotiate a cultural corridor due south from Hadrian’s Wall and Hull could become our West Berlin: a cauldron of 70s Bowie-esque creativity. Soon other northern cities would follow and a new order would be born on the British mainland. Minus London of course. Win-win.

The good people of Hull West & Hessle were the chosen ones. The utterly rubbish Alan Johnson had stepped down as sitting MP in the cream puff with the egalitarian policies of Jeremy Corbyn. Some daft bint from The Apprentice thought the seat was hers on the basis of 5 minutes of TV fame. The coast was clear for a Williamson victory.

However, the Electoral Commission said otherwise. No, I could not stand as an Independent and have Hull Goes With Scotland on the ballot paper. I would need to constitute a political party in order to do that. They wrote to me on Fri 2nd May saying it would take up to 30 days to register the name of the (obviously bogus) political party. Only then I could register as that particular political party’s candidate. The closing date for all candidate’s nomination papers was Thurs 8th May. 6 days away. C’est impossible! I replied.

And that, as they say, was that. My cunning plan to kiss goodbye to Neu! Reekie! and embrace a £70k career (plus expenses) as the pro-Indy MP for Hull West & Hessle came to an abrupt end before it had even got off the ground.

Now I have to go back to Neu! Reekie! with my political tail between my legs and continue doing all that radical, empowering, fun & shit-stirring cultural stuff for a few more years.

Bollocks.

*Not very clear