The God We Invented!

Hey God,

How are you? I bet very few people ask you that. Probably we think you’ve got everything sorted since you know, you are God!

We pray to you and ask for help; “please solve our problems and make us rich” instead of taking action and making things happen. Yes, we are lazy fucks!

We blame you when things go wrong, instead of taking responsibility for our lives. Sorry, you are the biggest and easiest target!

We ask you to be merciful with us, but please kill the “others.” After all, you told us we are the chosen ones!

We say you are all mighty and powerful, but somehow you need a bunch of pussies to avenge you! They create atrocities and wage war in your name… When those guys talk about you, you sound more like a Middle Eastern dictator than a God!

We claim you are capable of miracles, but somehow all you have to show for it, are a few old books that tell stories about your miracles… Really!! How is that different from Harry Potter a thousand years from now?!

We believe you are just, fair and boundless, so how come you’re letting criminals use your name to kill the innocent, oppress the week, steal from the poor, and scam believers out of billions of dollars!!!

We say religion is your gift to us, to find the way, to see the light, to unite us and guide us! So how come we are more confused, lost, lonely, and separate than ever before?!

We say you are everywhere, so how come we have to go to churches, synagogues, mosques or temples to find you and speak to you?

We each say you are our God, not their God! So which one are you?

Are you a Jewish God, a Christian or a Muslim? Are you Sunni or Shia, Catholic or Orthodox, Conservative or Liberal? And how come people in India have hundreds of you, while we only have one! And how come Buddhists get to have the coolest version of you?

We say you are the creator of everything, doesn’t that mean you created humor? So how come your followers have no sense of humor whatsoever! Every time someone cracks a joke about you, writes or draws you a little funny, your followers condemn them to hell and want to kill them?!

PS: Is creating Donald Trump your idea of humor and getting back at us? Not funny… you need to watch more Comedy Central and less Fox News!

We say you have a plan!! Look at the world, is that all you’ve got?! Can’t you see it’s not working and it’s a big fucking mess?! There are some great online courses on goal setting, planning and project management that I can recommend, just give me your email or Facebook.

We say you’ve created heaven for the good and hell for the bad, and unless we do what you say we are going to burn in hell!! Really, what are you, a cartel boss!

Why didn’t you just program your orders in our brains so we don’t have to go through this shit!

We say you are mad at us because of the mess we created in our lives! Is that true, or is it more of the bullshit we invented about you?

If you exist, I like to think of you kind of like a dad, you left to do some work in the universe but made the classic parent mistake; you left us in charge, and just like children, we’ve made a big fucking mess of everything!

When will you be back? Cause we sure can use a miracle to help us clean it up…