What’s A Fulfilled Life Got To Do With A Bigger Size Shoe?

Yesterday I got a FILA Shoes from Costco. I like shoes, I think when you get a new shoes, you renew your whole wardrobe, and you look a new.

When I put it on at the store, it felt right, the right size, the right look, I loved it.

Today I put it on and walked to the nearby store to get some groceries before going to work. My toes touched the front of the shoes, and with every step they would touch and touch again, it was annoying, and I was very uncomfortable.

The funny thing is while my body was clearly telling me, this is uncomfortable, and you need to take off this shoes. All my mind could think of is how to make this work!

“Maybe this feeling will go away in a while.”
 “All I have to do is get used to this shoe.”
 “The shoe will expand with use.”
 “I can probably take it to a place where they can expand it for me.”
 “What if I wear thiner socks.”
 “I will alternate between this shoes and a more comfortable shoes.”
 “I can’t return it, they will probably see that I’ve used it outside the home and not return it.”
 “It’s only $40; it’s ok.”

My mind was in full problem-solving gear. I couldn’t believe the shit I was coming up with to keep wearing this shoes, anything not to go through the pain of returning it!

So here I was willing to suffer pain of having uncomfortable shoes on, which is sure to mess up my day and cause me more pain with more use, just so I wouldn’t go back on my decision to buy it!

I wanted to be right about buying the shoes. I wanted not to look bad in front of the people at Costco, who I don’t know. I wanted so bad to look good that I was willing to suffer unnecessary pain.

Where in your life do you find yourself stuck in the choices you have made, suffering pain, and you remain in your head trying to resolve the situation?

When all you have to face up to and admit: I’ve made a mistake, it was not the right choice for me, how often will you make that choice?

Is it a relationship that is not working out, a job that you hate, a partnership with the wrong person, a community group that you are stuck in? Or maybe a book you are reading that is super boring, and not for you, but you continue reading none the less, cause you started, you invested the time, and “you might as well finish what you started.”

A few years ago I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine, he played guitar and sang, a brilliant and gifted guy. I asked him, why are you not pursuing your dream of music, you are gifted and talented, and you love this shit. His answer was “what about all these years that I’ve spent in engineering school, are you telling me they were all for nothing!”

So here was a brilliant person, stuck in his long gone past because he doesn’t want the choice he made when he was 18 to be wrong. Meanwhile, he is failing to enjoy his gifts and talents in the present, or build a brilliant future! What a waste!

Are you stuck in a relationship because you once thought they were the one?! Are you stuck in a job because you made a promise to stay no matter what, but internally you are having a war between what you chose and where you are in your life now?!

It is time to face up to the reality that the shoes just doesn’t fit! You can’t change that, you can’t expand it, you can’t fix it, you must either live with it as it is or return it, but never lie to yourself about it.

This is not about being comfortable; life is not about that. The tight shoes will not kill you. This is about stopping the pretense, stop lying to yourself about it. It is what it is, do not rationalize it, lie to yourself or others about it, just choose it as it is, know it, pick it, choose it day and day out, this shoes is tight and I love it as it is. But never say this shoes is not tight, and I’m ok with it.

And if you can’t live with your choice, guess what, you can choose differently.

Whatever you choose, choose freely what you want as your future, do not get stuck in the past, there is nothing there for you to change or work with.

See the past as it is and let it go, you will have a fuller more fulfilled life, and you will enjoy you and the people in your life that much more.


Originally published at mantalks.com on June 17, 2015.