How you found that unfortunate construction is beyond me, but anyway…I think perhaps your stress and fatigue are coloring the perceptions you describe in this post. You’ve got huge talent, courage, energy, ambition, and great support people, and if that doesn’t result in success, then success doesn’t exist. That said, you’re also taking the most difficult path in publishing, so you have a lot to overcome. I’m hoping your next check-in shows your spirits lifted. PDX should be wildly supportive, if damp.