How postpartum depression made me a better designer — 2/4
My husband and I didn’t have a home until I was seven months pregnant. Before then we had been traveling for most of the last 10 years. We certainly had experience in packing the most optimal backpack, but not so much in arranging a home tailored for both of us, or — in fact — for the three of us. How might we design a home for us and our baby in two months with a limited budget? (At that point we mostly relied on my salary.) We had some serious design thinking to do.
Part 2 : Experiment — Iterate, debrief, repeat.
I actually love using the analogy of moving into a home when I describe UX. First, who is moving in, and what are those people’s needs? Aka: your “personas”. How will they use the home? Aka: your “user flows”. What are their priorities and secondary needs? Aka: your “functionalities”.
When you have all this information it’s not that hard to design some solutions, but what happens when you don’t?
Sure I bought a baby crib, clothes, and diapers. I’ve watched hundreds of videos on YouTube about taking care of a newborn, but I actually have no idea what it’s going to be like in reality. Besides, how do you deal with the frequently changing needs of a newborn?
Let’s take an example: sleeping.
That’s a need we can all relate to!
And also a need that is most challenged with a baby in the house.
In fact, even when baby was still in my womb, I had to deal with frequent insomnia and adjust my sleeping position on my side with a pregnancy pillow between my legs.
The first night with baby at the maternity, our son stayed on my chest, either nursing or sleeping. Back home, we tried to put him in his crib next to our bed but he would fuss or cry whenever he wasn’t being held. So we continued sleeping with him on our chest, and obviously whoever held him couldn’t sleep. As days went by it was clear we couldn’t continue like this, so we started to put him in his crib for 1min, then 2min, 5min… increasing gradually until, eventually, he was comfortable sleeping as long as needed in his own bed. This took a few months, and during that training, we moved through different arrangements for our own comfort (and sanity) :
- “The three of us sleep in the same bedroom” versus “Each one of us sleeps in a different room”.
- “We split the night in half to take turns feeding, changing and soothing baby” versus “I only wake up for the feedings and my husband takes over for burping and changing if needed”.
- “We put an extra large diaper for the whole night” versus “We change several diapers at night”.
- “My husband gives a bottle of formula and I sleep” versus “I breastfeed and he sleeps”.
Like a design thinking iteration approach, we’d try one kind of « night guidelines prototype » for the night. It was important to choose before the beginning of the night because we quickly found that once the sun set we didn’t have the brains to talk, to make decisions, or to be patient with each other (well, especially me). Every morning, we debriefed the last night :
How do you feel? What worked and what didn’t? What shall we do differently?
Then, we’d adjust for the following night.
We repeated this process daily and found that there was no perfect combination, but rather a need for flexibility and communication.
I think it cannot be perfect because taking care of a newborn is exhausting and no matter how you do it, you’ll likely be quite tired.
Also, babies change very fast at this stage, so we quickly had to move from one arrangement to another. That meant being able to move the baby’s crib (thank God for wheels!) easily from one room to another.
In his own quest for solutions, my husband bought me noise-canceling earphones, thinking it would give me a break from baby’s crying. To make sure I’d find the right fit, he even bought two!
It was a complete failure.
First, I didn’t want to not hear my baby cry; second, I was worried about unnecessary spending; and third, the earphones didn’t fit my ears.
Sleeping is one part of the equation. I could probably write another post solely on breastfeeding, or the art of diaper changing (and which kind of diapers to use)… But sleeping is most relatable.
In truth though, the most challenging part of that period was the crying.
Have you ever felt like you're sinking into a dark hole, deeper and deeper with each passing day? That was what I experienced, as if my son’s helpless cries had taken hold of me and dragged me down into depression. Every day and night seemed like a never-ending struggle, leaving me feeling miserable.
We did plenty of reading to find tricks parents use to help soothe a crying baby, which included: White noise, swaddling, rocking, butt slapping, singing, heavy bouncing, walking…
We often used them all at once!
Here is a kind of self-made “cheat sheet” to help find potential solutions to your baby’s cries :
Next part :
3. Focus: Use your phone, don’t let it use you
