TWO BECOME ONE
Those whom the Holy Spirit has attuned together, As a stringed instrument, always blessing God By psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, By day and by night, with an incessant heart. (GOSPEL RESPONSE)
We’ll start our journey through Engagement and marriage with some descriptions and reflections upon the beautiful rites and rubrics of Coptic Orthodox Christian wedding ceremony.
The Orthodox Marriage Ceremony
The early Church seems not to have had a separate rite for sanctifying marriage, and there was no marriage rite separate from the eucharistic Liturgy until the ninth century.” There are records, however, of Christian couples having the option (not obligation) of being “crowned” during the eucharistic Liturgy as far back as St. John Chrysostom in the fourth century. For the first half of the Christian era then, marriage was chiefly a civil process that was sanctified and sealed by the couple attending the eucharistic Liturgy together and partaking of Holy Communion together. In this act, they sought Christ Himself to unite them as one.
In the Coptic Church, we find that a church wedding ceremony distinct from the eucharistic Liturgy was considered compulsory by the Church by at least the thirteenth century.
Although the custom was likely to have begun somewhat earlier As the Coptic rite evolved over the centuries, it expanded to involve the bride and groom attending church on Saturday night to pray and fast together with their families and friends in preparation for the wedding and the liturgy on Sunday morning.
This is very much in keeping with the ancient Christian under- standing of marriage as a “mystery,” or a sacrament of the Holy Spirit: “Early Christian writers affirm that it is the Eucharist which gives to marriage its specifically Christian meaning.” This much longer and more involved rite is now quite rare.
A marriage can be performed any day that is not a fasting day, since the joy and celebration of a wedding are incompatible with the spirit of repentance and spiritual striving during fasting. In the modern Coptic tradition, a wedding may not be performed on the day immediately before a fast begins.
The standalone ceremony may be performed at any time of the day, since it is not linked to a eucharistic Liturgy, although couples will often attend a liturgy and have communion on the morning before the wedding. If they prefer not to see each other on the morning of their wedding day, they will do so in different parishes. It is advisable for the couple to have confession sometime soon before the wedding life together with clean hearts. SO that they may enter their new life together with a clean heart.
As noted above, it is important to remember that marriage is a holy mystery and to plan for the reception party that follows to be one that does not take away from that holiness, a spiritual unification of the couple by the Holy Spirit.
In the Coptic Church, some couples also like to begin their married life after the wedding with a short period of consensual fasting from sexual intercourse (usually one to three days), during which they give themselves to prayer together. This practice emphasizes the authority of the spirit over the desires of the flesh and builds a strong foundation for a life of true, self-sacrificing love for one another and for God. The practice can be found in the Deuterocanonical Book of Tobit (8:4–9).
After a solemn procession into the church, the crowning is performed, symbolizing that the couple through marriage are journeying to the Kingdom of heaven, that they are helping to establish the Kingdom of God here on earth, and that their self-sacrificial love makes them worthy of the crown of martyrdom.
In the Coptic rite, the betrothal or engagement service is performed separately at the beginning of the engagement period, while the crowning service marks the transition from the engagement period to marriage.
Outline of the Ceremony
Below is a brief summary of the more important rites and rubrics of the Coptic wedding rite. We have room only for a taste of this rich field of study and experience here in this booklet.
Engagement
Engagement serves the social purpose of formally announcing that a couple are getting to know each other with a view to possible marriage. It is enacted by an exchange of rings, placed by the partners on each other’s right ring fingers. This differs from the wedding rite where the priest is the one who places the rings on the fingers.. Here, since the couple are the ones who placed the rings, they have the right to remove the rings and break the engagement should things not work out. The exchange of rings may occur just between the families of the couple or with the priest blessing the rings first, either at the home, in a suitable public place, or at church. The priest may pray a simple engagement service. It includes no Bible readings. Usually, a church certificate of engagement is issued.
Vestments
The priest wears either the full liturgy vestments or at least the epitrachelion (a garment of rich cloth, about 2 meters long and 30 cm wide with an opening for the head, worn so that it reaches down the front to the feet) as a sign of the respect due to an important mystery in which we recognize the divine presence of the Holy Spirit working among us.
Surrendering the Bride
The bride’s father brings the bride to the door of the church (or the front of the church), where he surrenders her to the bridegroom. The bridegroom lifts the veil from the bride’s face and the priest asks both the bride and the groom to confirm the identity of the other and that they are marrying of their own free will and choice, for marriage must be by the free choice of both partners with no force or coercion involved at all.
The couple are beginning their life as a new independent family and home. The groom thanks the bride’s family (represented by the father) for this wonderful gift (his bride) which they have brought into his life.
In the West, marriage is seen as being mainly an agreement between the couple, so the consent is central to the ceremony. In the Orthodox East, marriage is seen primarily as something that is conferred upon the couple by the Church, and so the consent is given a peripheral place in the service.
Important Hymns
The hymn Ⲡⲟⲩⲣⲟ ⲛ̀ⲧⲉ ϯϩⲓⲣⲏⲛⲏ “O, King of Peace,” normally applied to Christ Himself, is prayed to welcome the groom. The hymn Ⲭⲉⲣⲉ Ⲙⲁⲣⲓⲁ “Hail to Mary,” is prayed to welcome the bride.
Jesus Himself is the model of husbandly love, service, self-sacrifice, and peace, through which He showed what true kingship really means. St. Mary is considered our Mother and the spiritual Bride of God. She rejoices in the happiness of her children, and she is the perfect model of a pure bride. Thus St. Mary is the model of loving joyful submission to God, a model the bride embraces and imitates in loving her husband. The groom and bride are to take Jesus and Mary as their chief role models and strive to emulate them.
The hymn ⲠⲓⲠⲛⲉⲩⲙⲁ ⲙ̀ⲡⲁⲣⲁⲕⲗⲏⲧⲟⲛ, “The Spirit, the Comforter,” is prayed. As the Holy Spirit descended upon the apostles on the day of Pentecost, sanctified them, and united them into the one Body of Christ which is the Church, so we also pray for Him to descend upon this couple and sanctify them, to make them spiritually one, and to make them active members of the Church.
Sacred Site
In the Coptic rite, the couple stands in front of thrones set to the south side of the royal doors for most of the service. At the very end, after they have donned capes and crowns and exchanged rings, the curtain of the sanctuary is opened, and they are led around to stand and then kneel before the altar.
Stance of the Couple
The bride always stands, kneels, walks, or sits at the right hand of the groom. This stems from the words of the psalm: “The queen stood at Your right hand in apparel interwoven with gold, / And adorned and embroidered with various colors” (Ps. 44:10/45:9).
This is the traditional position of strength and honor. For example, we say in the creed that Christ “sits at the right hand of His Father.” Also, Eve was taken from Adam’s right rib. In this way, the groom honors his bride, expressing his commitment to always respect her and to work in harmony with her as they forge a new life together.
Blessing the Rings
The rings are tied together with a red ribbon or white kerchief and blessed three times in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The red ribbon represents the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ by which we were saved, and by His grace we received the mystery of marriage, in which the Holy Trinity unites the two individuals into one. This is a reminder of the role that marriage plays in our salvation and of its representing the relationship between God and humanity. The couple are reminded to follow the example of Christ, who loved His spouse, the Church, and shed His blood and gave His life for her.
A white kerchief indicates the purity and holiness of the mystery of marriage.
Rings
The rings are symbolic of many things. They are made of gold that does not rust or become corrupted in any way, as marriage is a mystery beyond price, holy, pure, and incorruptible by the world, when the couple maintain its sanctity.
The rings are round-without beginning and without end as the mystery of marriage is an eternal bond and an icon of the eternal marriage of the Church to her Groom, Christ. The rings have the name of the spouse engraved on them as a sign that the two are now one, that their lives belong to one another, and that each is the precious ornament of the other. They are placed on the left ring finger, since the left side is nearest to the heart. And finally, they are placed on the fingers of the couple by the priest (representing the Church) as a sign that the Church alone can remove them, since “what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:6).
Holding Hands
Once the rings are in place, the couple’s hands are joined together and covered with a white kerchief. They remain so to the end of the ceremony. This signifies that, through marriage, the two have become one flesh, and the pure white kerchief signifies the Holy Spirit overshadowing them and uniting them as one.
Capes
After a prayer of blessing, a cape is placed on the couple’s shoulders. The cape is a royal and priestly garment. The groom is becoming the “king” and the “priest” of the family. He is responsible for their spiritual growth and development. The bride wears a smaller cape, signifying that she shares this responsibility with her husband, being the “queen” of the new family and working together in synergy with her husband for the spiritual welfare of the whole home. As they are to sanctify the little part of the world that is their home, they are contributing to the sanctification of the whole world, which is the priestly service of Christ, in whose image they are.
Anointing with Oil
After a prayer of blessing, the couple are anointed with oil, each on the forehead, upper chest or neck, and the two wrists. Anointing with oil generally symbolizes the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Here we pray to the Holy Spirit that He may sanctify, purify, and strengthen the couple’s mind (anointing the forehead), heart (anointing the upper chest), and actions (anointing the wrists). It is also a symbol of joy, our joy over the couple being united in marriage, as well as a prayer for God to fill their lives with His joy.
Incense
Incense is offered as in most liturgical services to remind us of the sacrifice of Christ, who gave Himself up as a sweet aroma of salvation that spread throughout the whole world. We are reminded that marriage is a part of this process of salvation and that, by seeking to be Christlike in love, the couple are finding their own salvation and sharing the Gospel of salvation with everyone around them. In living a life together of such self-sacrificial love, they too, like Christ, will become a sweet aroma to all around them.
Crowns
Two crowns are blessed and then placed on the couple’s heads. These represent the authority of the bride and groom over their new household. They symbolize their authority to have self-control and to live a pure and holy life. They are crowns of victory over the unbridled passions of the flesh, taming them and sanctifying them under the rule of agape love. They are also the heavenly crowns awaiting those who live their lives in purity and holiness. Thus they are circular, reminding us of the eternity of God’s love for us and of our love for one another.
The bride and groom are also crowns for one another (Prov. 12:4; 1 Cor. 11:3), and they become each other’s “crown and glory.” They are also crowns of martyrdom, in both senses of the word: the couple are called to be martyrs (witnesses) of the truth of the Gospel with their lives of unconditional love, and they are also called to be martyrs (give up their lives) for each other through constant self-giving and sacrifice. Lastly, when the groom looks to his crowned bride and sees a queen before him, he pledges his undying loyalty and love to her and in his heart offers to her his life for her service forevermore. Likewise, when the bride looks to her crowned husband, she sees a king before her and likewise pledges her life to him forever.
Symbols of Unity in Love
The couple lean over sideways, bring their heads together till they touch, and are blessed three times in the name of the Holy Trinity by the priest. Leaning over symbolizes that, to be united in love and humility, they have to meet each other halfway. The triple blessing expresses the spiritual mystery of the couple being drawn into the circle of love of the Holy Trinity. In His great love for us, God shares the love that is between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit by adopting us -and today, especially the couple- and including us in that love.
Readings
The readings come before the crowning, which is the “crown” or climax of the ceremony. The Pauline epistle is Ephesians 5:22- 6:3; the psalm is from Psalms 18:6–7/19:5–6 and 127/128:3–4: “And it rejoices exceedingly / Like a bridegroom coming forth from his bridal chamber, / Like a strong man to run a race Your wife shall be like a vine, prospering on the sides of your house; / Your children like newly planted olive trees / Around your table.” The Gospel is Matthew 19:1–6, ending: “So then they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Before the Altar of God
The couple kneel before the open royal sanctuary door (before the altar) side by side while the priest reads to them the exhortations (advice on how to have a successful married life). They kneel with royal crowns on their heads before the royal doors of the altar, the throne of Christ. Their royalty and nobility of character are derived from His. Kneeling is a sign of the submission and surrender of their whole lives to God. As part of their submission to God, the couple are also commanded by Him to submit to one another in love, joy, and humility.
Toward the end of the ceremony the priest removes the crowns from the couple’s heads and replaces them on this table, praying, “Take up their crowns in your Kingdom, unspotted and unblemished, and keep them without offense to the ages of ages.” This represents the couple, offering their life together wholly to God, through the intercession of the Church.
Exhortation
The priest reads out the exhortations (sometimes translated “commandments”) to the bride and groom as they stand side by side before the open sanctuary and altar. They are advised to keep God always in their midst, to respect and obey each other, and to bring joy into each other’s lives.
Absolution
The couple kneel together in humility before the altar while the priest prays the absolution of sins for them, the same absolution used in the mystery of Confession. The priest crosses his hands over the couple’s heads as he prays, signifying that from now on their hitherto individual searches for salvation in Christ are intertwined indissolubly together as one.Through the grace of this sacrament, all the sins of their past are absolved and forgiven, and they start their life together with completely pure hearts.
When the prayers conclude, the priest removes the crowns and the capes.
Conclusion
The service ends with the usual concluding hymn and benediction. The newly married couple are then led out of the church by the choir in a joyous procession
