Day 7: Favorite ‘Confessionalist’
Survivor 39-Day Challenge
When it comes to funny one-liners, I don’t think there’s anyone better than Tyson Apostol.
The very first confessional Tyson had, so far as I can remember, was about Erinn and how she gave him the bitchy vibe. From then on, I knew Tyson would not mince his words (at least) in his confessionals. And boy, was I right.
Every single season Tyson was on, he made his confessionals his own stand-up. Sometimes he’s heartwarming, sometimes he’s harsh, but he’s always funny. In Tocantins (2009), Tyson’s first season, the confessional that’s stuck to me was the one about blindsiding Erinn and him punctuating it with:
“I love seeing people cry when you crush their dreams.”
It’s so hilarious at the moment, and even funnier (and harsher so to speak) when he was blindsided himself; funniest when Erinn actually placed higher than him. (That applies as well for Sierra. “I have no clue why she’s out here other than to just give hope to stupid people around the world,” Tyson described Sierra’s motivation.)
There were two major points in Tyson’s second appearance in Heroes vs. Villains (2010); one, of course, was his epic elimination when Russell made his first double-cross of the season. The second was his confessional in the very first episode, describing the fall of Colby’s machismo after being owned by Coach at the first reward challenge of the season.
“Colby getting owned by Coach. Oh, my gosh, dude. I can only imagine what Colby is thinking. He’s gotta be like ‘I just may as well become a woman because there is no point in trying to maintain my masculinity now.’”
I mean, Tyson did not have that many highlights that season but this confessional encapsulated how witty and sharp he is.
Tyson’s tone completely changed in Blood vs. Water (2013), his third time and his winning season. Not that he’s not fun anymore, but there’s this seriousness in his tone that you know he’s out for blood this season. I really loved that Tyson’s game was reflective yet strategic from the very beginning, and by the time he dethroned King Aras, it was his game to lose. Tyson giving us the King Aras confessionals — still gold.
Such serious tone in Tyson’s game was carried over to his most recent outing in Winners at War (2020) because of how gigantic he was as a target. I didn’t expect that much from Tyson this season because again, he’s a huge target (but Tony won so what do I know). He still had funny moments though, from everyone ditched him from strategizing before tribal council to his cute encounter with one of his children during the loved ones visit. “Am I stinky?” he asked his kid who cutely nodded in response.
Runners-up: Jonathan Penner, Seventh Place, Survivor: Cook Islands and Survivor: Philippines & Aubry Bracco, Runner-up, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng
