Top Six Things That Men Yelled At Me In 2016!

Wow! It’s hard to believe that another year has come and gone. And while a lot of things sure happened in 2016, thankfully there wasn’t a lack of men yelling at me! Who says you can’t keep your New Year’s resolution? Specifically, your New Year’s resolution of getting yelled at by as many men as possible!

But which ones were the best? There sure were many great candidates to choose from, but I somehow managed to narrow them down. So without further adieu…

6) “WHAT, I CAN’T EVEN SAY HI!?!?”

This was after I walked past him, a total stranger, on the sidewalk. He said hi. I had to pee really, really badly so I didn’t even register that someone was talking to me. I kept walking. I forgot that I owe HIM attention, not my bladder!

5) “YOU’RE NOT LOOKING AS HOT TODAY.”

This was by the homeless guy who regularly hangs around the parking structure at my gym. He might be my Aladdin.

4) “BITCH!”

He was in the car behind me at a left turning lane. He was honking and I wasn’t moving because there was a pedestrian crossing the street. What if guy behind me had places to go!? I’m a monster.

3) “PHONES, PHONES, PHONES. YOUR GENERATION IS PATHETIC.”

He lives in my neighborhood and was out walking his dog. I was walking to a cafe and texting my mom an emoji that I thought would make her smile (it did). How do I even sleep at night!?

2) THE C-WORD

It stands for cunt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1) “OH COME ON, I’M NOT GONNA RAPE YOU!”

Spoken after I zipped up my jacket. Now, to an outside observer, it might have APPEARED that I didn’t even see him when I was zipping up my jacket. It also might have APPEARED that I was simply chilly and trying to live my life. Obviously that’s not the case, since my life’s focus is on nameless strangers.

****SPECIAL RUNNER UP*****

“*INCOHERENT VERBIAGE*”

He made a really good point!

Eileen is a writer, comedian, and Space Jam historian living in Los Angeles. Follow her on Twitter or follow her on the streets and yell at her!