Recently, I have been doing a lot of work. Not the kind of work where you get paid, not the type where you see tangible results, nor is there a quantifiable goal in mind. It’s like I am constantly setting a stage for the biggest show of my life, I have unlimited props — and so many of them have outlasted their purpose. Maybe some I have kept due to sentimental value and others I just have not been strong enough to let go. Most created scars and we live in a world where scars somehow are corollated with a nobility of sorts. These are the stories I have been telling myself that have been holding me back. These are pains that I have been holding onto because you, he, she and they hurt me.
Over the last year I have been letting go of some of these beliefs. It has taken so many tries, often it has felt like they would never leave. At times it seemed futile. At last it feels like I am gaining steam. For those of you who have experienced the power of forgiveness you have gotten a glimpse. For the few of you out there that not only have forgiven but understand the gifts that adversity brings then you know exactly what I am talking about.
Now I am going to give you some practical examples from my personal experience. Keep in mind that there are always two sides to the story. What I can share is only mine.
To my father: For decades I held on to so much resentment for the times you were not around and was often angry about the rules you laid out when you were. I now realize that you were actually just doing the best you could with the little you had. You’ve given me more than anyone in your circumstances could have. The unconditional love, integrity, ability and desire to always be learning and so much more. No one has influenced the code of honor that I live by more than you. For all this and everything else I thank you.
To my mother: We’ve always had an unconventional relationship. For so long I held you hostage as the reason I did not trust in others, especially women. I blamed you for my tardiness and all the time lost waiting around. Now I know how valuable the lessons you taught me are. You taught me how important trust is, and that once it is broken it is so very hard to earn back. You taught me patience and how sometimes you can’t wait for anyone and you just need to pave your own way without looking back. You taught me how to stand my ground in what I believe in, no matter what anyone else thinks. You taught me to be strong even when I was all alone. For this and so much more I thank you.
To my sister: All the times you’ve lied, stolen, cheated, chosen drugs over your relationships and had to “get even” with me really cut me to the bone. I came to believe that no woman could be trusted for so many years after watching how you hurt everyone around you, including me. Wow for many years I treated so many people, particularly women, poorly because I believed they all were just like you. I know you may not be done with your process but I am not angry. I thank you for showing me how fragile people who are in pain can be. Thank you for helping me to recognize the good from the bad ones. I know that there is still much more to learn from you, that there is still more forgiving & learning for me to do. Once I get to that place I will be excited to be able to thank you for those lessons too. Please, please, please get sober and be the amazing person you can be so I can get there sooner.
To the person I thought would be a friend for life: I bought you many things, took you everywhere I could, introduced you to my network of friends and colleagues. As I gained in success I tried to bring you along with me. You for some reason sabotaged it and our relationship. When I could no longer give you tried to take more. When that did not work you blamed me for your lack of success, just as you blamed everyone that came before me for your situation. You even spread rumors which ultimately harmed my relationships with those very people whom I’d introduced you. I wasn’t even angry, I was shocked; I was so incredibly hurt. It was not even a stab in the back it was one to the chest! I thank you, for you taught me so many things. I learned that you cannot help anyone get to the top that is not willing to do their own work to get there, no matter how hard you try. I learned how to read the intentions of others and not to give out trust blindly. Without you I would never get to know how the Law of Attraction really works. Without you I may still be trying so hard to please the few people who believed the negativity you spoke about me. Thank you for taking the toxicity in my life away as you went on continuing to be you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for burning the bridge so that I would never be tempted to cross it again. Thank you for teaching me how to let go.
To the ex I loved dearly: We had some great times didn’t we? It’s crazy how things can go from so wonderful to a chaotic rollercoaster in a blink of an eye. We sure spent lots of time “trying to work it out” didn’t we? All those times you told me “It’s not what I said it is how I said it.” When we finally did split I really did miss you. I had become so lost to who I was in my attempts trying to please you. I actually didn’t even know how to be me for a little while because I had become so much less over the years. It was not until I set you free and you continued to carry on with the negativity that I realized that it was all just a reflection. You melted down in so many areas of your life, nothing ever seemed to work out for you and it was always someone else's fault. This was hard for me to watch idly as you crumbled because I will always have love for you. One day it dawned on me that it never was “how I said it.” It was how you heard it. It was how you felt inside about you. I was looking at it all wrong, I wish I knew this sooner. We might even still be on speaking terms. Maybe you would have returned those things of mine. I do thank you so much. You taught me how to give of myself completely and where I need to draw the line. You helped me to see how negatively things like drinking and partying can hurt a relationship. Most important because of you I learned that when someone gets emotional based on outside circumstance it is a reflection of what is going on with them internally, thus I can respond appropriately to their needs. Thank you because of my time with you I am a better man.
To the perpetually disheartened customer: I know you and I hardly know each other. Actually we never even shared a meal or even a drink. You seem to know a plethora of information about me and seem to enjoy sharing a bunch of negativity charged comments about me personally — one of which is probably going to be about me using such an “advanced” word as “plethora.” You my friend, you are one tough person to please. Thank you so much for showing me that I was in the wrong business. Without the complaint spewing out of your fingertips I might still be spending my time trying to please you. I gave it my best, I devoted years of my life, hours and millions of dollars and you still hated me. At first I took it personal but then I realized it really didn’t matter waht I did. I am just not your type. It’s ok I’ve moved on, you’ll move on eventually too. Thank you for teaching me that no matter how hard I try I cannot please everybody. Thank you for teaching me to move on and to focus on what I love to do, it will always be more fruitful than trying to please the unpleasable.
The others: I don’t really remember what you did, but I am sure at the time it did piss me off. Thank you for showing me that I can move on and forget all about it. Emotions are temporary and how we respond to things is a direct path to see what is going on with ourselves. The more work we do on this the easier it is to see.
More importantly than whether or not you made this short list I really hope that you get this message: No matter how bad things seem to be in any given moment there is something positive to learn from it. When you learn you can be grateful. All of the energy that is bottled up in anger and resentment could be used to be happy and the only one who can release it is you. All you have to do is resolve your side of the story. So if you are hanging on to anything it is up to you to accept it, forgive it and be grateful for it. I made a video on the power of forgiveness about a month ago and I watch it every time I get stuck — it helps me, maybe it’ll help you too. I hope you take some time and reclaim that energy. Especially if it is me that you are angry towards. :)
Please take a moment and click that little heart below, share this with friends and leave me feedback. Much love everyone.
thank you; you hurt me
if it were not for you; i’d still be
the one I was before; you knew me
because of the pain; i now see
-grae
