Fat to ex-fat… to fat… and (hopefully) back again

My first blog post of any kind was about the thing I knew most about at that time— being fat and then not being fat. Unfortunately, at some point, things went wrong and I went back to fat again, and I stopped loving myself.

I can pinpoint the moment when that happened, and I know the cause and how to fix to it, so I’m basically using this post as a cementing of the fact that things needs to change again. I need goals, I need a time frame, I need motivation, I need an end-game.

In May last year, I was the happiest I have ever been with myself. I had lost 95% of the weight I wanted to lose, and my body was taking a shape that was much better than it had been. At the time though, I didn’t realise just how much progress I had made. I only really realised that about a month or so ago, when I came across a progress picture I’d taken that looked so very, very different to the body I looked at in the mirror the morning I found it.

The key to loving yourself isn’t about looks, it’s not about what you wear, it’s about how you view yourself. Which sounds like the same thing, and I guess in a way it probably is. If you don’t like what you see, you’ll view yourself negatively. But you can not like what you see and actually look perfectly fine — something I discovered when I found that picture.

In my case, and I’m sure in many other people’s too, I just see flaws when I look at my body. I had lost 3 stone and still looked at that little bit of padding I had around my bum that made me cringe a bit. I had a little v line that I worked hard to get, but what about that little bit of flappy skin under my arms? Gross.

Life has changed a lot since then. I don’t have the time to go to the gym like I did previously. I don’t have the time to do exercises at home like I did back then. I don’t have the time to make a healthy lunch the day before work.

Or do I?

Why don’t I have 20 minutes to do some exercise before I go to bed?

Why don’t I have an hour when I get home from work — just because I get home later — to go to the gym and take care of myself?

Why don’t I have the time to have healthy food instead of a quick snack?

I’m a whizz at planning. It’s what I do. I don’t go anywhere or do anything without a plan because I am not at all spontaneous. Even if it looks spontaneous, I’ve probably pretty quickly put together some kind of plan in my head for about a thousand different scenarios. So why can’t I do that to take 15 minutes to make a nice salad for lunch the following day? To pick up a bunch of apples or pears from Tesco rather than a mega share bag of Revels?

I did it once and I’ll do it again. It’s all about goals, but not big ones. “This week, I’ll start not have any snacks that are unhealthy — I’ll buy apples and bananas and pears.”

Here’s to being thin again by the end of 2016.