“Change your environment, things will definitely change.”
This thought struck my mind while I was lying on my bed with the cushion soaking my tears. Yes I was crying. I never thought changing the city will be so difficult.
A year has passed since then, but that night is still seems fresh to me however, today when I think of it, it makes me laugh. But what was that all about?
Shifting to a new city is always fun. Life offers us new friends, freedom, independence, practically we get EVERYTHING which we ever thought of, but we never notice what we lose.
So, why am I writing this blog? Yes, I am an engineer, obviously not a wannabe Chetan Bhagat and definitely not from IIT, so what brings me here?
While writing this blog I am getting various thoughts in my mind. I have told many people about my interest in writing but, what if it never goes well, what if they expect more so called sarcasm and “reality of life” shit, what if I don’t end up becoming the next Chetan Bhagat? What if I didn’t know what Unagi was! What if, what if, what if…….
Don’t you ever feel this way? Whatever you might be doing, even while reading this line you might be thinking, what the fuck is unagi? You might be someone like Joey Tribbiani or Ross Geller. You think about your future, about your past, or else about boobs, about eating a cheese burst pizza after reading this shitty blog, whatever it might be about but you always think. Your Head is always full of thoughts.
But what was I thinking a year ago, why was I even crying at first place? There was no reason, then why? What had gone wrong? No, I was definitely not on drugs.
They say that change is always good. But what was going to happen this time? My head was busting with all sort of thoughts, good thoughts were like advantages for general category, which were almost none. I was about 18 that time, almost an adult, but that was the time when I discovered that age was just a number which we are supposed to tell others when they ask for our adulthood level. And of course it also tells them how much time is left to find a good wannabe cultural wife.
The reason was I was alone, although I had 1542 facebook friends and 531 instagram followers, I was sad, sad about things which even I didn’t know. I was just thinking and thinking and thinking. My hormones were busting out loud, they were all saying, “We will fuck you emotionally, bitch!” And I could almost hear them. Everyone faces this situation when you are sitting at the corner of your room, sad about some stuff, which even you don’t know.
Then it clicked me, whatever we are, whatever we do, we are always controlled by our head, the brain the mastermind which has both mojo jojo as well as Nayak’s Anil Kapoor inside. And the things we think of are the event which took place in the past, or the events which we wish had taken place in the past, or about the future and especially about getting those awesome boobs ( for boys ). And then I discovered that thoughts are nothing but dreams which we see when we are awake.
The initial idea of writing this blog originated when I saw a rose busting from a concrete which meant to find the splash of life, passion and colour in some sort of bleak, grey place, which had no hopes. Everything else grew around that one image. At this stage, we feel like we are in middle of some sort of tour, we have done enough, but we have a lot more to do.
A head full of dream, this is what it’s all about. There are many things, which we never discuss, even with ourselves. We always think that if we are getting problems with our lives then change is the solution. We change everything around us. We switch to Nike from Reebok, from Hanes to jockey, from Zara Mumbai to Zara Dubai, from some gay one direction singer to Justin Bieber, from android 4.4 to 4.4.1 but we forget the MAIN thing which is to change what is inside and that is when we start thinking differently. We start executing those dreams after which the things mattered the most at one point of life seems pointless.
I was the reason for making myself cry that day. We all have that time in our lives when things get piled up in our head and it just bursts out. When we realise that we are not that cool, “I never cry” guy.
We are so busy finding what others do, what they think, what is their opinion, that we end up forgetting what we are, what our opinion was, which is why even after changing every fucking thing around me I was crying. What a loser I was.
“Change yourself, Things will definitely change.”