5 Steps to Intimacy & Connection in Relationships and Dating
We all desire intimacy and true connection in relationships. But, have you ever felt resistant to sharing something with your partner or date because you were afraid they wouldn’t reciprocate? Girl, you’re not alone. That discomfort you feel is called vulnerability.
Let’s set one thing straight. If you type in google the word vulnerability, which yes I did, this pops up:
Vul·ner·a·bil·i·ty: The quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
So if you think, who the F- would want that in a relationship? You’re not off. That seems a bit terrifying, not gonna lie.
Although, as my girl Brene Brown discusses in her TedxHouston, vulnerability is essential to connection and intimacy. So if it’s essential to connect then we must embrace the discomfort. Let’s reframe vulnerability as courage, truth, intimacy, and connection.
5 Steps to Intimacy & Connection in Your Relationship and Dating Life
Step 1: Intimacy and connection begin with you.
In order to truly feel more connected and intimate with another person, you’ve got to feel that first within. No one else is going to be able to provide that inner intimacy. It’s essential that you practice self-love and self-care.
Step 2: Create guidelines.
There can be blurred lines when it comes to how much to give to someone in order to connect. This may be particularly heightened in co-dependent relationships. It is key to figure out how far you’ll allow yourself to go before you push your own boundaries. This helps you figure out your role in connection and intimacy.
Step 3: How to connect.
Get specific on what you need in order to feel connected and intimate. This can be something simple like, getting to know your date beyond surface level talk or sharing with your partner how you’re feeling during the good and bad. Narrowing this down helps give guidance.
Step 4: Practice makes perfect.
You’re not going to have instant connection and intimacy until you put what you need and want into action. Does the idea of this feel uncomfortable? Insert vulnerability. It plays a MAJOR role. It can feel nerve-wracking voicing your needs and wants into existence. But as Brene Brown says, it’s necessary for connection.
Step 5: Re-evaluate if need be.
If you’ve taken action and you’re still not feeling connected and intimate then ask yourself, 1. Can I fulfill this need for connection and intimacy myself without my date or partner? And 2. If not, what needs to change?
If you said no to number 1, you may have chosen a partner or date who’s emotionally unavailable to meet your needs and wants through intimacy and connection. If you said yes, then find a way to practice growing a deeper connection within.
Intimacy and connection is a practice in relationships and dating. It truly starts within on getting specific of what you want and need so that you can voice it. Don’t get discouraged by the discomfort and instead I challenge you to lean into it, girl!
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Carla Romo is a dating & relationship coach, the author of herbook Contagious Love and an international speaker. She has been featured on or in collaboration with BRAVO, Cosmopolitan, Bumble, Lifetime, Bustle, The Knot, as well as high rated iTunes podcasts. Instagram: iamcarlaromo
