Ideas for Dialogue in “Fifty Shades Darker”

“Intrigued?”

Today saw the release of the trailer for the upcoming film Fifty Shades Darker — the sequel to the 2015 movie Fifty Shades of Grey, based on the best-selling novel. There’s a handful of little snippets of dialogue in the trailer for fans to mull over and ponder ahead of its February, 2017 release date. But here’s some dialogue I’d love to see make the final cut. Given that the film is still in post-production, there’s no reason these lines can’t be added in, with minimal reshoots:

Ana: That was such good sex.

Christian: Such good sex. I wish someone would invent a time machine so we could go back in time and have that exact same sex again.

Ana: Well, we can just have more sex.

Christian: Yes, but it would always be a little different. Even if we tried to do it exactly the same, it’d be impossible, is what I’m saying. In either case I don’t think time travel will ever really happen, at least not in the way it’s usually presented in science fiction films. What do you think?

Ana: Honestly I haven’t spent much time thinking about time travel before. It seems unlikely. But technology is so hard to predict. For example, I’m sure automatic doors seemed impossible to people in, like, the 1800s. So I wouldn’t rule it out.

— — — — — —

Ana: To me, sex should feel like jumping into a 10-foot-deep swimming pool filled entirely with jello.

Christian: Yes! I think so too. Which flavor?

Ana: It doesn’t matter which flavor, that’s the fun of it. The different flavors are the different kinds of sex. God, this is literally all I ever think about.

— — — — — —

Christian: Before this goes any further, Ana, I want you to close your eyes and picture a lemur. Go ahead.

[Ana closes her eyes.]

Christian: Ok, now open them.

[Christian puts a picture of a lemur on his phone in front of Ana’s face.]

Christian: Is this what you were imagining? Or were you actually picturing a meerkat. It’s ok if you were, I want you to be honest with me.

— — — — — —

Christian: Last night was incredible.

Ana: I had 5 orgasms. In my mind, I assigned each orgasm a different horse and when we were done there were 5 magnificent wild horses galloping into the sunset in a cloud of dust.

— — — — — —

Ana: The first time I made love I was 19 years old. I was on a boat in international waters. I remember thinking there was something so pure and beautiful about that, you know? That sex should be free of arbitrary boundaries imposed by different countries who are always fighting, always at war. And for what?

Christian: International water.

Ana: What?

Christian: You said ‘international waters,’ I think you meant ‘international water.’ I’ve never heard anybody say ‘waters’ before.

Ana: Wait, really? I’ve always heard the term as ‘international waters.’

Christian: But the plural of water would just be water, right? Like you can’t have more than one water. It’s all just water. Or am I just losing my mind here.

Ana: But if you had two drops of water, that would be waters, right?

Christian: No, you would just say “two drops of water.” Like you just did.

Ana: Or how about this. If we were at the grocery store and you asked me to grab two bottles of water, you would say “Hey, grab a couple waters.” Right?

Christian: I’m certain I would say “Grab a couple bottles of water.”

Ana: Waters… waters…

Christian: See what I mean?

Ana: You know honestly I’m starting to doubt myself now.