Tears, Emotions, and everything in between.
😥 While everyone counts their blessings and looks forward to end-of-the-year blessings, I want to scream, eat, and sleep. (if you think that’s a weird combination, I agree😃)
Hey there!
It is a beautiful Saturday morning. I am still in bed and trying to figure out what I want to do next after I am done writing. Will I publish this piece, or will it just sit in the drafts like 30 others?
This is a short version of my year in review. I know that to many people, I won this year like I did last year. However, last year was probably a better year( I don’t know). Anyways, at this point of the year, I don’t expect any miracles; I don’t even look forward to ending the new year on a big note; at this point, I want to run home, cry, eat food, and be calm for the rest of the year.
This year has been a rollercoaster; I have had ups and downs, wins, tears, sadness, happiness, and everything in between and outside the box of emotions.
This year, the dominating feeling has been a lack of confidence. I used to hit down any door and make strides. I went for whatever I wanted, and I mostly excelled at it. Now, I can’t even boast of publishing five solid articles in 2022. I can’t boast of doing “excellent work at anything “ because I don’t find the courage to try. And this has kept me in a very terrible place.
I am looking to find out what started all of this. Why, when, and how did I lose my confidence? At what point did I lose myself?
At first, I thought I was at a point where I needed guidance and feedback from seniors. I sought out senior technical, content, and marketing writers to deepen my knowledge. But it didn’t work because I barely got the help I needed. I also spoke to a couple of folks, but nothing worked.
It feels like I am on a journey through a forest; I know when I started, everything looked clear, but now I am in the middle, and I can’t tell if I am in the right direction. I think I lost my compass and am not even sure how to get out on the other side of the forest anymore. I am not even looking forward to getting there in one piece because I have been battered already. This forest is not kind at all. I just wanted to be done.
I have fought through the year and am too drained to fight. Sometimes I want to quit it all and curl back into a cave and explore a life different from what I currently know, but there are no safe caves in Nigeria (😁, or that’s what I want to believe).
Anyways, for the rest of the year, while everyone looks forward to a last-minute miracle, “congratulations,” and anything they expect to happen, I will be in my corner, living out the rest of the year while redefining my focus and purpose. I must think of a way to keep going because that’s the only way I can progress through this forest.
There are questions I need to answer, and till then, I hope you’ve had a better year than I’ve had. And I hope the rest of the year brings its clarity.
Take care, till I write again.
