6 Easy Steps To Feng Shui & To Stop Hating Yourself. A Quick Guide To Happiness & Healing.

This is an ugly room.

Today I am moving for the second time in 90 days. As someone who has usually had a sense of normalcy this has been a bit unnerving. So I figured I would write about the importance of Feng Shui and also how to stop hating yourself. What’s Feng Shui?

Pronounced “fung shway,” feng shui literally means “wind and water.” Its roots are 5,000 years old. Feng shui seeks to promote prosperity, good health, and general well being by examining how energy, qi, pronounced “chee,” flows through a particular room, house, building, or garden.

It’s how to find harmony in your surroundings, and it’s a great thing to consider when moving and make the transition easy, so here’s 6 easy step to help you in your redecorating or moving journey. Oh and also how to stop being a piece of shit.

Step 1: Make A Plan & Stop Crying In The Shower.

The first step is always the hardest, it’s time to make a change. Maybe things have been feeling stale in your home or you’re having a hard time remembering why you bought that olive colored rug. Maybe you’re coming off a 10 day binge of drinking yourself into a coma every night just to wake up to a half eaten bag of gummy bears wondering why you’ll never be good enough for anything or anyone. Whatever your catalyst is, you have to make the choice to make some changes.

And that’s the hardest part right? Complacency in pain feels safe, it’s a pain we feel comfortable with because we know what it’s like to have our expectations shattered or rejected. And that pain comes out of no where, and it’s always earth shattering. So instead of taking chances we take time. Because it’s easy, it’s comfortable and it’s safe because that pain is familiar. But one day time just isn’t enough. We need more. That’s when you know you’re ready. But being ready is half the battle, it’s making a commitment to improve your life and to make changes and risks and throw away an old olive colored rug you can’t stand anymore. Or to stop crying in the shower every day as the bitterness of being hurt consumes your soul to the point where you become a ghost of the person you once were.

Think of the person you want to be, and what you want to come home to. What kind of decor fits you now? Maybe it’s not the style you loved in your teens or 20s or 30s, maybe you’ve always known you enjoyed a more modern style versus a vintage vibe. Maybe you know that you’re no longer passionate about your job the way you once were and it’s time to explore new options. It’s time to lay out a plan of what you want.

Pinterest is a great resource to take a peak out as you make plans on decor and style and how your current furniture fits into your new plan.

A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week. 
-George S. Patton

Step 2: Clean Up & Stop Drinking Yourself Into Rehab.

So now it’s time to clean up! Pull the books off the shelf and dust it off! Those Chicken Soup For The Soul books you’ve had since you were 13 can’t help you now. Off to the trash they go. The stuffed bear you got on Valentine’s Day from your high school sweetheart who’s now married with 3 kids 15 years ago is just taking up space you can’t afford to give up. And it’ll be hard, to let go. And you’ll bite your tongue so fucking hard when you’re sipping your jack and coke at the bar with co-workers to not talk about it and how hard you’re trying to move on to show that you’re letting go. Until you find yourself talking to strangers during last call as everyone else you know has gone home. And an older gentleman with years on his face will look at you with somber eyes to say “What’s meant to be will be, fight for what you can but know you can’t do it with that in your hand.” And he’ll point at your liquid cure for anxiety.

Now it’s time to make even more piles; “trash” “storage” “sell” and you’ll start categorizing all your possessions and what they mean to you. And you’ll stumble upon all these skeletons in your closet you forgot you had and you’ll feel the arguments of ghosts and angels smiling down on you and it feels so good, letting go, laughing and crying in the time machine you’ve neglected living in the last 15 years of your life. And you’ll remember what the old man said when it becomes to much, and you’ll realize you have to stop drinking yourself into rehab and fight for what you believe in. So you smile and realize that in all this misery you realize you’ve done everything you thought you could do in this town and it’s time to get rid of the time machine and take every day as one day closer to where you know you need to be.

Also craigslist, eBay and offer up are great places to make a little cash as you start re-organizing your home. Try to get all your little knick knacks from the past into one box you can store easily in a closet or attic. Don’t forget to clean as you go, it’ll make it easier when you go to decorate!

“One has a responsibility to clean up one’s space and make it livable as far as one’s own resources go. That includes not only material resources, but psychological resources: the commitment of time and a portion of your mind to something when you’d rather be doing something else.”
-Wole Soyinka

Step 3: What Do You Love & Stop Being Weak.

So you have your piles. Everything is organized, in order. It’s time to find out what will have a place in your home. What do you love? What do you truly love. If you can’t stand the idea of losing it, then it’s time to recover it now or forever hold your peace. That lamp you love but hate the lamp shade, recover it from the trash pile! This is your new home, you can make it work, there’s a million other shades that will fit.

But what about that olive colored rug? Can you live without it? It’s been there for so long, it’s always been there for you, how weird would it be without it. There’s that wine stain from the first week you got it, moving into your new place. And you love how familiar it feels when you walk across it bare foot. But it’s seen better days. Maybe it’s time for a new rug. Something that’s more fitting for your plan, something that you can get after you’re done moving everything around. An after thought that fits your home more than your home fits it. But it’s the damn olive colored rug, where did you even buy it? Why did you buy it? It’s the rug everyone always asks about and you can’t even remember. It’s probably so filthy from the sand that you accidentally spilled when you got back from the beaches, or the flaming hot cheeto dust you swear you vacuumed up but there always seems to be more, or more bags of chips who knows. But it’s your rug. It’s weird, it’s odd and somehow it just compliments you. And you have to stop being weak, it’s time to make a choice.

Do you hold on to the past, do you do everything you can to salvage it? Is there even such a thing as a rug dry cleaners? Maybe there’s something you can buy at the store? That’s going to take hours of scrubbing and drying and cleaning to get it to feel new again? Is it worth it? How much time and money and energy am I going to have to put into this? You could just look on amazon for a similar one, just search olive green rug. No not that one. No that one looks too nice. Ugh it’s the wrong shade. Maybe you can just buy a new rug, and try that out while holding on to the other rug. Where the hell are you going to store a rug?! You don’t have the space that’s the whole damn point of this! No. Stop it. You’re not going back, you’re not going to stop now, you’re not going to be weak, it’s time to make a choice. Maybe all your friends will like the new rug, maybe it’ll feel better in between your toes. Maybe you can find a rug that hides wine stains and sand and the crumbs of all your favorite guilty pleasures better. Well, maybe I’ll give the olive green rug to a friend and have them check up on it until I find someone to clean it. That way I know where it is, and what it’s doing.

What are you doing? This is YOUR rug. This is your olive colored rug. This is a part of you isn’t it? But getting a new rug would be so much cheaper, easier and maybe you’ll love that rug as much as the olive one. Or maybe in the end the olive rug didn’t mean really that much at all to you. Either way you have to make that choice.

Oxi-Clean is great for getting out stains, you can pick some up at your local chain super stores. I recommend picking it up at Target as well as some new bathroom towels, new towels plush towels are a great way to start a day after getting out of the shower.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Step 4: Start Moving & Stop Making Excuses.

The plans have been made, you’ve visualized what you wanted. Hopefully by now you’ve thrown away everything you no longer need, everything that was taking up space in your home. Hopefully you we’re able to give some of those things away to someone else who maybe needs it more than you did. You’ve removed the clutter and now you are left with everything that’s important in your life. Your bed, your dresser, your photos, pieces of art, your desk. The layout you had isn’t working anymore. You know what it should be, and it’ll be different and probably weird but you know you can’t stand it anymore. And I know by now you’re tired, this has been a lot of work, a lot of walks up and down flights of stairs, packing and unpacking and loading up cars and taking out the trash. You’re exhausted but now is the time. No it’s not time to lay down or sit on the couch or take a shower. This is the last part of the hard work.

What if you don’t like it when you’re done? That’s ok. Then you can make more changes. Then you can start over. What if others don’t like it? It’s your home, do what you want with it. Sure they’ll have suggestions or tell you what they would’ve done but this isn’t for them, it’s for you. It’s about finding out what works for you. What if… No. No more excuses. All this work to get here and now is not the time to back down, charge forward bravely.

There’s really two styles of thought here, do you like more room or more sections. Placing large furniture against walls really opens rooms up. Be sure to mind windows that may have some sunlight that pours in during the morning or evening.

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.”
— Jordan Belfort

Step 5: Add New Pieces & Stop Being A Loser.

You did it! Now for the fun stuff! You might notice some spaces in your new home feel empty or blank. Time for a trip to the store, what does the new you want to add to mark this amazing new chapter in your life? Is your room brighter now? Maybe it needs a splash of color with a large painting. Maybe it’s time to get new books to fill those spaces you opened up. Use the money you made from selling your stuff! See how it all came full circle?!

And you’ve probably been busy working on so much that you may have a lot of free time on your hands now, don’t be a loser, use the time to make sure you don’t get complacent again, join a gym, find a hobby, read more, dance more, explore more, seek out adventures of the new. Tell stories, share dreams and fears and passions. Meet new people to put on your shelf, pick up something you recently dusted off and highlight it in your life.

Laugh. Unapologetically. Embrace your new home. Find comfort in the company you keep and how they embrace your new home. Oh look, they love what you’ve done with the place and the rug you have tying it all together.

You can also get custom pieces from etsy.com it’s a great website for hand crafted decor items.

“We are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams.
World-losers and world-forsakers,
Upon whom the pale moon gleams;
Yet we are the movers and shakers,
Of the world forever, it seems.”
— Arthur O’Shaughnessy

Step 6: Don’t Forget To Make Your Bed & Stop Hating Everyone Else.

And here we are, your new home. Look at how nicely everything has been put together! It’s kinda weird right? But it feels so good to see all you were able to do. Can’t believe it took you this long to try it right? Well, what’s left to do now. You have to maintain it. You have to make sure you do a better job of keeping the rug clean no matter how many people walk all over it or how many spills it gets. You have to keep it clean. Remember last time where you let things slide because you would “work on it tomorrow” and “tomorrow” became next week and a month and so forth? And then it was all just too much.

Because it’s no one else’s fault that you got to that point. And before your clean closet gets filled with more skeletons that hold no value, remember why you did all of this. Of course there is still cracks in the walls, and that window gets stuck on hot summer days and a million other little things but this is your home, don’t get fixated on what doesn’t work, embrace how you make it work for yourself. Why put in all this work to stare at a crack in the foundation and spend all your time cursing it. Because it’s easy to blame others, it’s easy to neglect what you’ve been through as you judge others. Stop hating everyone else, when you say things about others negatively it’s a reflection of your values and who you are, not the person you speak of. It’s done. These little cracks that are just part of your home are there now forever and it doesn’t do you any good to fixate on them, or curse them, or waste time and energy tackling them all. Its what makes your home unique to you instead of cookie cutter. It is what adds character.

So don’t forget to make your bed everyday, after all this work you’ve put into it. A messy bed is a messy head. A friend told me that once, and ever since I have made my bed every day except for the last 90 days. It wasn’t the right bed. And every day I put it off till tomorrow to fix it. And every day hurt a little more. So I stopped crying in the shower and made a plan…

“Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least favorite quality — it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you, amazing things will happen.”
- Conan O’brien