Hey,

I’ve been trying to figure out what to write for ages and I’m not totally sure that I’ve actually figured it out yet. It’s always different when the person you’re trying to talk to is gone. It’s been a while, huh. Sorry about that, I swear I meant to write sooner but… it’s been hard. I just miss you so much already.

You’ll be pleased to know that Nicky’s been up my ass (no, not literally) and making sure that I eat, sleep, shower and basically act like a normal functioning human being now that you’re gone. She’s always been a good friend, in one way or another. She hasn’t propositioned me yet so maybe the ‘or another’ part isn’t totally true anymore.

It was hard to adjust to your absence at first, I had gotten so used to seeing you around here. When I walk into the canteen and you aren’t sitting at our table making stupid jokes or playing footsie with me under the table. The showers are missing a person at 5 am every morning.

I don’t want to mope around anymore but there are reminders of you everywhere. Even Pennsatucky reminds me of you, how fucked is that? Everyone is being real patient with me, Nicky said they owed it to you to be. They miss you, even if they hate to admit it.

I’m sorry that I didn’t get to say goodbye before you left or tell you that I love you, so I’ll tell you now; I love you with every fibre of my being and I’ve known you were the one for me since I laid eyes on you in that lame bar all those years ago. One day we’ll be together again, hopefully you’ll have forgiven me by then. I just hope I don’t have to wait too long.

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you Alex. I’m sorry that you’re no longer here and that you died thinking that I didn’t choose you. That I didn’t love you more. I’m sorry you thought you didn’t have anyone here and turned to drugs to help you out. It’s like you told me; what’s having a life worth living, if you don’t have the will to live. I hope you didn’t lose the will to live.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of it.

Wait for me.

- Your Pipes.