Friday. Sitting at my desk — supposedly working but actually contributing to those 50 trillion page views on Facebook each month.
“This little boy was freezing in Norway. You’ll never guess what happened next.”
It is almost a week since I saw that link. Here are some scenarios that would genuinely surprise me.
Bill Murray popping up to take part in this delightful marketing campaign which has the very noble aim of, “creating consciousness about the conflict in Syria.”
“Hey kid. I’m Bill Murray,” Bill Murray says.
“Jeg kan ikke forstå deg,” the kid replies.
“Uh,” he says. “Well, if you need help, you know who to call.”
Bill Murray walks away chuckling.
2. The tears of the freezing child
What I hope happens is that the tears of the child fall from his darling little face and, upon colliding with the city’s pavement, melt away all of the snow. A rainbow sprouts from the earth and pulses warmth, love and generally happiness into the atmosphere.
People are repentant for their callousness, world hunger is ended, world peace is achieved.
Self explanatory: the kid has a coat. He just likes the cold.
4. Variation 1: The kid has a coat, this is a trailer for the new season of Punk’d
I honestly wouldn’t see this coming. Also, it would be a masterpiece of viral marketing. Make people think they’re watching a heart warming video in which a child is left in the cold and left to the kindness of the public.
Actually, the kid turns out to have a coat and when the good samaritans take off theirs to give to him, he pulls off a prosthetic mask to reveal a full bodied winter coat and a mop of brown hair: The child is actually Ashton Kutcher in disguise.
When the surprise is revealed, a sting rolls in and announces that Punk’d is returning. All is well. Disaster only happens in REAL LIFE.
We are all dead and the kid is the only one who’s actually alive. How warm do you feel right now?
6. A coat falls from the sky and the kid eats it
7. Something totally predictable happens but with unpredictable results
Probably the most surprising reaction to this video clip would be if it played out exactly as you expected it to: the strangers give the kid their coats, it’s all really nice but also really deep because it’s got a message and that.
But whereas before you had felt somewhat moved by marriage proposals uploaded to YouTube, letters of support written by parents to their offspring after coming out, make-a-wish digital stories, you felt nothing.
Once you were capable of feeling so much but the abundance of sentimentality and good news stories has desensitised you in a way that you only thought possible for negative stories.
In the same way that you had once seen war orphans on the news and changed the channel, read of terrible affairs and happily turned the page, you now have no feeling towards a story that is genuinely heartwarming.
Ultimately, your emotions belong to marketeers and they can use them for whatever they choose.
Anyway, those are the surprising outcomes.
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