Au Revoir Facebook (more of an Adieu)
Oh Facebook, we had some good times didn’t we?
Remember when we were young? And when other people on Facebook were also young? (don’t worry though, older people click on more ads so you’ll be okay) Remember when we posted stuff for fun and didn’t have to worry about our moms, grandmas and potential employers seeing it? Those were the good old days right? I know we were poorer, but we were having fun!
Don’t look at me with that sad face, I know you’ve felt us growing apart over the years. You reminded me to post more often when you saw me slowly editing my posts and perceived personality so that I wouldn’t upset a distant relative’s political or religious views, or say something that would spark a 43 comment argument over an issue that isn’t really that important to me in the first place.
You saw me “Like”ing posts less and less. We were once crazy kids “poking” each other and over the years our relationship became a newsfeed populated with the same stories from the same people over and over again. You know what I mean right?
- Posts from people I used to like until I learned everything they did and ate during their waking hours.
- POSTS FROM MY EVANGELIC COUSIN WHO ONLY WRITES IN CAPSLOCK AND THANKS GOD FOR THE SAME THINGS SHE DOES EVERYDAY — bless her heart by the way!
- Ads, ads, and more ads highly targeting my interests and demographic.
- That thing you do when you make me into a guinea pig and alter my newsfeed to see what I will click on, “Like” and interact with when certain types of content is displayed and other types hidden.
- Oh yea! The occasional reminder that everything that’s sad and wrong about humankind is still alive and well.
I hope you didn’t feel awkward while I created a backup of all of my Facebook data for download. I didn’t want to be rude about it, it’s always difficult to move out. I felt bad when you asked me one last time why I was leaving, even though I know that deep down inside you knew…
I told you it’s not you, it’s me. I just let us grow apart… Wait, what?
Wow, okay that was below the belt. What kind of persuasion trick is this? I’ll just get my things and get the heck out of here!
I wasn’t going to say it, but if you’re gonna be rude like that… I’m moving into an open relationship with Tumblr and Twitter. Piss off!
