A Note on Nihilistic Love

Hi, I’m a Christian. Shoot me.

53Agu11
53Agu11
Sep 2, 2018 · 3 min read

I’d like to begin this article by saying hi. I don’t know if anyone will see this, or if they’ll care. But even if no one calls back, I think it’s better to scream into the void than to do nothing at all. So, however you are, hi, and thanks for bothering to read these first few sentences of nothing.

Secondly, I’ll set some things in order. A lot of the things I say will be contrary to what you see on medium. Mayber I’m a bit of an idealist. Maybe I’m a lost guardian of the old, crumbling, broken world. Maybe I’m wrong. But I’ll stay here, and watch, and write, and learn.

On that note, onto the subject matter. What am I talking about when I say nihilistic love? It’s not exactly recent, but I’ve seen articles on Medium about love, and self-sufficiency. Simply put, they say your happiness shouldn’t be dependant upon the states of other people. As a lover, be there for your significant other when they need it, and don’t cling to them like a crutch. As a parent, it is your job to advise when necessary, and let your child choose their own path, to create their own destiny.

This seems like pretty solid advice. Perhaps the only way not to hurt people, to let them be themselves, to allow them to grow. How is this nihilistic? Well, it is almost like saying that the other person doesn’t matter. Not letting you effect them, keeping to yourself. What is the difference between being alone and not talking about yourself? Of course, I’m not saying people who act like this do not love each other. I’m only saying that this isn’t the best way to love.

Love is about completing the other person, making them more. Obviously, love is more complex than that, but we’ll stick with that for now. Not reaching out to the other person, not seeing them, well, that doesn’t help the other person at all. Discussing your brokenness, opening up to the other person, leaning on them when it’s needed, that’s what love is.

Obviously there is an immediate pain to discussing your problems with the other person, and maybe it’ll hurt them too. But there are things longer, and more important than momentary pain. Like love.

We need to trust each other more. Maybe we will get hurt sometimes just for being ourselves. But it’s important to explore our boundaries, to have the satisfaction of knowing you were right, sometimes learning you were wrong. You have to let your partner break you sometimes if you really want to know them. And you have to be willing, to be strong enough to do the same to them, while loving them unconditionally. A relationship shouldn’t be static. It should be an ongoing firework, a flower, and experiment. And sure, some chemical reactions are irreversible. But we’ll get see some cool sparks along the way. And we’ll find out things no one else knew, not even ourselves.

Written by

53Agu11

Write programs, play games, contemplate life.

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