Start By Listening
A Situational Pattern.
Situation
You find yourself in a complex situation. The person on the other side feels unheard, left out or wronged. But there are no right answers here, just different perspectives.
Pattern
1. Be present and listen.
Set time up with the person. Be fully present and check in with them to see what is going on. Let them speak. Hold back your urge to respond and instead hold space with the person.
2. Be curious and ask questions.
Approach your conversation with curiosity. Ask open ended questions like “What seems to be on your mind?” or “How did that situation make you feel?” Once you have the understanding, make sure to test it by explaining it back to the other person by saying something like, “So what I heard you say is…”
3. Recognize and appreciate the person’s perspective.
Thank them for sharing their thoughts and work to put yourself into their shoes. Their perspective is just as real to them as yours is to you.
4. Share your perspective.
After recognizing their perspective, explain yours. Both have merit. Check in to see how your perspective lands with them.
5. Construct an agreement.
Verbally craft an agreement for how to handle a situation like this in the future. Check in on the agreement periodically.
Why
It’s all part of human interaction and growth. We are constantly learning to work more effectively with one another.
Start By Listening is an adaptation of a Crucial Conversation. To learn more about Crucial Conversations, see Talking When Stakes Are High.
Curious about Situational Patterns? Learn more about Situational.ly.
