I am Takhmina
Hello! My name is Takhmina.
I am 18 years old and my self-acceptance has only began. After all the shit I’ve been through, I eventually have a conscious portrait of self-personality. I am me in no other means.
Having accepted who I am, I have a precise image of what I should be focusing on in order to achieve that quality of life I was looking for all the time. The suppression of own feelings and emotions, the lack of love and the feeling of being loved, the need for attention and support from “friends”, the lost connection with family, the lack of self-confidence and dubious thoughts of own abilities, the desperate need of compliments and warm words that I am beautiful the way I am, the skeptical view of people surrounding me, the interior “judger”, the rude ghetto named Takhmina that treated mental self with offending words and behaved in inappropriate way towards herself, the constant thoughts of food and emotional dependency to experience the feelings I was deprived of, the fruitless strive & life in illusion of own “appropriate”, “the needed” looks HAVE BEEN GONE THROUGH! CONGRATULATIONS!
I feel so sorrow and pity of myself because I have not experienced the values and the “things” that really DO matter — self-awarness, self-acceptance, self-love, self-respect, the strive for the better self, love, support, the feeling of being loved and appreciated, kind words, the faith, the connection with parents and siblings, the balance between mind and body, the balance between spirituality and emotions, the clearness of goals and thoughts, the ability to say “no”, the ability not to suppress own emotions and put them first, the feeling of being proud of own body and the expressing love towards it, the mindful decisions and valuing the true values.
Self-recording has a profound effect on the self perception. I mean, when looking at ourselves from the others perspective you can IMMEADIATELY notice the things that should be considered of. For example, what I should focus on is on my nutritional plan, I am already. The overall wellness of the body functioning is of vital importance for me now as I perceive my body as a temple. So in order to keep it neat & comfortable, I just have to start listening for it and giving the “valued” food. Moreover, I won’t eat to experience the feelings I am scarce of just primarily because the soul feeds on different things e.g the mental/emotional things listed so far, therefore I do not eat for the emotions but just to carry on living!
Secondly, I should brush up my make-up skills in making the double crease. Thirdly, my hair is my love love love. I will carry on caring and seeing how fast & healthy they are growing!
Actually, I do not want to end up with the list of to-do’s but instead with the feeling of eventual personal break through and warmth towards myself. Thank you for being me, Takhmina.
Thank you Takhmina for being with me all this time.
I love you.
Sincerely, yours T.