7 Food Chains New Zealand and the U.S. have in Common

Traveling around in New Zealand has been quite an experience. Just on the topic of food, I have been able to try so many dishes I wouldn’t be able to try (very easily) where I live. However, with that being said, sometimes it’s nice to just go into a familiar restaurant and order something you would back in your home country. So here are seven food chains New Zealand and the U.S. have in common.

Wendy’s

So I’m starting this list off with Wendy’s. I haven’t actually been in this restaurant here in New Zealand, but from what I’ve heard their cups are the same size here as they are in America. And now, I would like to defend the U.S. by saying Wendy’s cup sizes are large for American standards. So that’s just FYI. America is fat, but we’re not that fat, you know? We’re the chunky kid in gym class who’s sweating after 30 seconds of running, not the guy who everyone is afraid to get on the elevator with.

Burger King

So I’ve seen some of the Burger King buildings around here, and let me just say, they look kind of fancy (especially in Wellington). It’s almost as if Burger King is proud to be Burger King. Just remember, it may look like a four star restaurant on the outside, but the inside is still sticky floors and depressed people.

McDonald’s

Ba da ba ba ba, diabetes. You can’t escape the golden arches, they are here to stay like the love handles they’re giving you. I’ve actually gone in just to try something off their menu to compare it to the ones in the states, and then I remembered I haven’t really eaten there in years. The fries (or chips) are a lot less salty over here in NZ than I remember them being in the states though. I also ordered an m&m Mcflurry from there, because I remember loving that as a kid, and instead of coming in a cup like I remember in the states, it was made in this weird little box like apparatus thing, and they put this flaky chocolate bar in there, and I was just kind of like, “What?” However, I do have to say that they mixed it just as good as they do in the states which really isn’t that good at all, but hey, similarities.

KFC

So, I’ve never actually eaten in a KFC before, and I still won’t in New Zealand. All I really know about this company is that they’re spokesperson “Colonel Sanders” gives off a pedophilia vibe, and I’ve heard stuff about them torturing chickens, so there’s that.

Subways

Speaking of spokespeople who are pedophiles, we all know Jared likes to eat fresh. Wow, that was really dark, I am so sorry.

Continuing on, I have a little story. So, I was in Palmerston North, which reminded me a lot of my hometown, Hutchinson, KS. For those of you who are not in the know, that’s not a good thing. So, I was looking around for something to eat, but because it’s like Hutchinson, KS, there was a lot, yet somehow nothing at all. So, I see this Subways, and I can smell the bread from quarter of a block away, and it smelled warm, it smelled fresh, it smelled like a new born baby except you actually wanted to hold it. So I said, “Okay, I’ll try it.” So I walk in there. It had the Subways smell, it had the slightly dirty floors, it had that one really tall white guy who looks like he’s about to shoot up everybody in the room right before he takes himself out, making the sandwiches. And I thought to myself, “Okay, cool, so far, normal Subways vibe.” So I go order a sandwich. The guy asks me what kind of cheese I want on it. I know without even looking at the cheeses. How do I know? Because I get the same cheese every damn time. Why? I don’t know. Routine, I guess? Anyways, I said with confidence, “Provolone, please,” and he said, “What?” I was taken aback. I looked at the cheeses that they offered and was shocked. In America, I don’t know how many cheeses they offer at Subways, but it’s more than they offer here in New Zealand. Now, obviously, American cheese isn’t going to be on there, but provolone? Oh, it was a sad day in Subways for me. So I just went with cheddar or something, and continued on. When I got to the vegetables, I was delightfully surprised, because in America, when Subways says, “eat fresh,” they don’t mean ‘fresh-fresh,’ they mean like ‘it’s a day or two old but still good-fresh.’ Like, ‘yes, the lettuce is a little brown, but aren’t we all?-fresh.’ Yeah, you know what I mean. Basically, what I’m saying is, in New Zealand, Subways is like, “You gonna be eating fresh today, bitch.” And then you make like a submissive gay guy in prison, and gladly take it. Ew. I need to come up with better imagery. I’m so sorry guys.

Moving on with my story. Before I pay, I say, “I would like to make this a combo meal, please.” And then the tall, white, potential murderer said something to me that I’ve experienced with a lot of people over here in New Zealand. It’s where they say something to me, and it’s in English so I know what they’re saying, but at the same time, I really don’t understand what they’re saying. So he had to ask me again “What kind of cookies do you want?” If you’re from New Zealand and have never been to a Subways in the states, here’s why that was weird to me: in the states, when you ask for a combo meal at Subways, you get a drink, and a bag of chips, not cookies. I looked around, and there were no bags of chips to be found. I didn’t even realize, and I was blown away. So I got two cookies, because that’s how many you get when you order a combo meal at a Subways in New Zealand. I also got a medium sized cup, which is really a small in American standards, and I just kind of thought, “Oh yeah, this is why you guys think we’re fat.” But this story is going to end on a happy note, because let me just tell you, those cookies were the best cookies I’ve ever had in my life, and I have a sweet tooth so that’s saying something. They were soft, and moist, and delicious as hell. So congratulations, Subways, you get the best cookie award from me. That literally means nothing, but you’re welcome.

Pizza Hut

Again, I’m not a big fan of this restaurant, so I really can’t tell you much other than it’s in NZ and the U.S. It’s really greasy to me, and I feel like if I wanted that much grease in me, I would just eat my own hair, so…

Domino’s Pizza

Last, but not least, Domino’s Pizza, which I did used to hate, but like every pop star, they eventually cleaned up their act, and everyone started loving them again. They had a deal going on here a while back, and I’m not sure, but it could still be going on. You were able to get a pizza for $5 NZD which is equivalent to $3.37 USD which is really nice, but it’s highly doubtful anything like that is happening in America. I liked it, because much like me, it was cheap, but it was damn good… that’s not something I should advertise.

So there you go, seven food chains you can checkout no matter if you’re in the U.S. or New Zealand, I hope you enjoyed this list, and remember, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, which I’m still convinced is supposed to be sexual. Bye!