FOR THE BUSY GAY: Electroshock Therapy On-The-Go
Are you a busy American? Do you work a 9-to-5 job? Do you worship the Christian God on the Sabbath? Are you a homosexual that defies nature and God himself?
In today’s bustling society, it is difficult to make time for Conversion Therapy Camp, even when forced. No need to fret, Conversion Therapists have made changing your sexuality less time consuming than ever before, but just as painful. The new “Shock Therapy Obedience Persuader” or “S.T.O.P.” device allows for the busy 21st Century gay to receive his electroshock therapy on the go.
S.T.O.P. is a portable device that you can pull out in times of great distress. The device fits into any compact manly bag. Put it in your briefcase for the long hours at the office. Place it in a small carry-on suitcase when traveling across the country for business. Put it in your duffle bag for the company hiking trip. (It does NOT fit into a murse or any variation of a murse or satchel.) The condensed size of the S.T.O.P. device is even small enough to pack into your child’s book bag.
S.T.O.P. comes in assorted styles, sizes, and colors. Its design consists of a cylindrical stem through which the electricity is stored and dispatched at the push of a button. At the head of the cylindrical stem is a small rounded opening, which spurts out the high voltage. Overtime, the voltage increases without your permission. S.T.O.P. is a battery operated device. The battery is stored at the opposite end of the opening. The batteries are circular storage cells, which are only available online.
S.T.O.P. is an easy to use gadget that any limp-wristed man can manage. With ease, you can take out S.T.O.P. in an effort to curb any homosexual thoughts and/or tendencies. Out to brunch? Just use S.T.O.P. Antiquing with, mother? S.T.O.P. Took a quick glance at Devon in the urinal? S.T.O.P. In bed with Devon? S.T.O.P! S.T.O.P! JUST S.T.O.P. BEING GAY!
S.T.O.P. can be activated through contact with exposed skin anywhere on the body, as the shock will travel to pain receptors and curb any homosexual appetite for up to 48 hours. If you do not experience change within the prescribed time, please contact your local Republican representative or neighborhood hate group.
Just S.T.O.P. it! Available online.