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Today I’ll be talking about more negative symptoms. In particular, apathy or ambivalence. This certainly goes hand in hand with the lack of drive negative symptom I spoke about in a previous post.

I’m not sure how I feel about the symptom. On one hand, it makes me sort of insufferable when people want me to make a decision about pretty much anything; on the other hand, it seems like it makes me sort of easy-going, go-with-the-flow, live-in-the-now type of person. …


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Photo by Gabriel Matula

The positive symptom I’ll be talking about in this post is agitation or irritability. I could be wrong, but I feel like agitation is a symptom of all the other symptoms. Sort of like how an animal in pain can be much more hostile than usual. If you’re continually experiencing unpleasantness throughout the day, you’re bound to be irritated by even the slightest of offenses in your daily life.

When I was in my teenage and pre-teen years, this symptom was much more common. Now that I think about it, it may be just as prevalent today, but in my years of experience with this illness, I have managed to hide my agitation more easily. When I was a teenager, I would usually take my anger out on inanimate objects or more seldom, on myself. Eventually, I began to shift my expression of my agitation from violence toward inanimate objects to merely withdrawing myself from the situation. It’s probably not an ideal solution, as it can seem rather strange for a person to avoid another person just because that other person breathes “too loud” for the person to tolerate. …


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Photo by Randy Jacob

Preface: For context, this post was written in the summer of 2015. Since writing this post, I have found ways of more effectively managing the challenges described.

Today I’ll talk about one of the negative symptoms that have been a huge problem for me, a symptom that, like my delusions about aliens, is extremely pervasive throughout my daily living. This symptom is the lack of drive or initiative.

As I wrote this, I lacked the drive or initiative to keep talking about it! Okay, okay, let me buckle down and get through this. I think my biggest problem with this lack of drive is when there are days where it doesn’t exist. I have incredible energy, I’m able to do things, take initiative, work towards the next steps. As a result, I sort of bite off more than I can chew, because, in the following days or weeks, the lack of drive hits, and hits hard. I can’t express how frustrating and embarrassing it is to start something and be completely drained of any motivation when the time comes to finish it. Sometimes I’m able to push myself incredibly hard and get through this symptom, but by the end of it, it seems to do more harm than good. When I try and force myself into doing things, it takes me an incredible amount of time to finish it, sort of like procrastinating, except the whole time I’m consumed by the thoughts of finishing what I want to do. …

About

Ian McKenzie

Schizophrenic entrepreneur. More @ my blog: https://ianrandmckenzie.com

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