“And the game was this: Intellectually I identified as “Christian.” Emotionally, I thought it was a crock of shit.”
Actually I think you emotionally identify as a Christian even if intellectually you know it’s a crock of shit. You believe something for which there is absolutely no evidence. Zero. Nada. It’s your choice to believe it and if you do a little good in the world because of that belief that’s great, but it’s not intellectual.
Of course the other problem you have is you live in a country which embraces those tattooed christians that brought you to faith, while condemning LGBT christians. There is a war being waged in the US and it’s being waged by those on the Christian Right against the LGBT community, against women, against the poor and downtrodden and against the disenfranchised. It’s easy to say “give (God’s love) to others maybe then we’d have more Christians that look like Christ”. It’s especially easy when you’re not being persecuted. I’m sorry to say most moderate Christians are happy to shake their heads and wring their hands and do nothing.
Allow me to end with a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer;
“We are not to simply bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself.”