Parenting done ?
My parents didn’t like each other. It’s a bold truth which has been hanging over me since the day i became conscious of my surroundings.
I have seen them fighting, fighting every now and then. Even though at that age I wasn’t aware of the reasons and the causes. But like every other child, I had been a victim of the causalities.
But that’s a past now !
Now I am all grown up. Not that all the reasons of their fights, are perfectly understandable to me. Also I think it’s not necessary to dig out the reasons rather than evaluating how their lack of understanding between them, had affected me.
We learn so many things from our parents, and violence is one of them as well. I had been lucky that most of the people i met when i was younger, were calm and understanding. Even in my family the only exception were my parents. I agree to the fact that all families have their problems and short comings, but when the parents fail to settle their differences, it is the child who suffers.
If i sit and recall few events in the past, there are so many things which i have done, i was a storm of a kid, doing all the mischievous things, most of’em were dangerous to my life. My mother never cared(or did she?) if i came home late in the evening, if i was gone through out the day and came home in the evening. I suppose she was lost in her troubled thoughts. After growing up, i have gathered a little sense that most of her thoughts are dedicated to 'what it could be’ than 'what it is’. I feel bad getting the idea that a lot of things she wanted to do with her life, didn’t exactly happen as she wished them to be. To be honest, I guess i made too much trouble for her, didn’t listen to a single word of wisdom, so she gave up hopes and accepted the idea that i can’t be controlled and guided.
On the other hand, my father was very different. He used worry about me a lot but he had a 8-4pm job. Hence, very short time to keep an eye on me continuously. I used to fear my father because he used to beat me for almost every issue. When I remember those days and see other parents showering their words of wisdom on their kids, making them understand what’s wrong and right by reasons, I feel a hollowness in my heart. I wonder why did my father showered stick and stones on me rather than simple words? Maybe he thought that beating is the quicker way to keep the boys in line. Well i don’t blame him either. He had a troublesome past. He had lost his parents and brothers at very early age. He was raised by his uncle under a lot of difficult circumstances and faced many challenges in life.
So in short, i had never been able to open myself up to my parents regarding the smaller or darker issues which i had faced when i was young. I have nver found the qualities of a good listener in them. Not that today is much different than the yesterday, but it’s better. One may think, now that i am an adult, what I’m doing about this ? Well i think the answer is nothing. I often feel the urge to give one or two love tips to them but i abstain. Is it wrong if your single, good for nothing son gives you few relationship advices? Well I have read some where that, Parents are just kids with their own kids. Funny ☺
However, i feel good thinking about those darker sides of my up bringing had also few bright spots, thanks to these I’ve became self dependent very early in my life. It did help me in many things. But there are ways to make kids self dependent in better ways.
Nowadays when my parents find themselves in any disagreement, i go and stand there. I don’t talk. They complain to me about one another. As soon as i go there, they stop shouting. I feel good knowing that i am useful in keeping them together. I think I should do more than that. They have kept their marriage till this day, in very odd situations, even with their misunderstandings. I have seen many loving people split for very simple reasons. I guess they would have too if I didn’t pop out in the right time.
Therefore, my point is, when you become parents, remember that you are the first person your children admire to be like. Make sure that you also don’t become the first person S/he despises when S/he grows up :)