The Struggle to Create
Sometimes I regret not being able to continue or pursue my artistic interests because people have said I wasn’t good at it or that I didn’t plan on making a career out of it.
Someone once said I had a terrible voice and that I should stop singing.
I met a voice teacher who was more than happy to make me sing classical music, from Phantom of the Opera’s “Think of Me” to singing Maria’s part in “Do-re-mi” at our recital. I joined church choirs and recital choirs with music majors none of them complained about my voice. That person WAS wrong. I CAN sing.
It’s not that I can’t make a career out of singing it’s more of I know that I have music to turn to. While I do regret not continuing under that voice teacher, I want to find her again and maybe this time (now that I have more resources) I can continue lessons with her.
Someone once told me that I should just quit ballet. I’m not good at anyway.
I may not be the best dancer out there, but I love dancing. It’s where I feel freest to move. To express myself with every part of my body. Sure I may be the slow learner when it comes to picking up combinations and memorizing choreography, but this knowledge of ballet has enabled me to choreograph for my students now. It has helped me in teaching my students basic music and movement. And although I had to stop because of injuries and because it got too expensive, I promised myself that I’d be able to fund my ballet lessons again.
Someone once remarked that my art wasn’t even good enough. They didn’t think that I could draw or paint.
I tried again. Years after my last art class in high school, I opened old paint palettes, colored pencils, took out my old sketch pad and drew. It was clumsy and crude at first but I eventually got the hang of it again. Now I can also buy my own art materials and paint what I want whenever I want to paint. It has helped me cope with stress and provided me with a creative venue when other outputs were not readily available.
Lastly, someone once commented that I shouldn’t even be a writer. All I do is write about my own experiences. I’m irrelevant.
I finished my BA in Malikhaing Pagsulat. My thesis was to write poetry (my weakest genre) but I still did it. I wrote what I felt and it helped me cope. Writing can take many forms and sometimes it may not always be relevant to others, but it will always be relevant to the writer at the time he or she wrote it. Writing is another avenue to express oneself, it should not be seen as tedious or tiring, although for a while it became like that for me. There are times when I feel as if my creativity has run dry but then I get an idea and I write it down. Sometimes it is beautiful and I love it. Most of the time I dislike it and cross it out. But what matters is that I was able to create.
And I think when it comes to the arts, what matters is that we are able to create and express ourselves no matter what others have said to put us down. Sometimes we can be our own harshest critics but that shouldn’t cripple us. I’m trying not to let it cripple me. I will keep telling myself that I will create. I will express and I will not let anyone stop me.
