Depression

This feeling of depression, I’ve felt for so long. What strength I once had I think it’s all gone.I think of the time that has gone by, I once stood tall like a flag in the sky.

I think of the nights we were together, together forever? Hell no, not with you, a broken promise of how I once felt for you.

When I’d wake at night feeling impaired, I’d turn to hold you & would no longer feel scared.

Like it or not I once fell for you, I never should have taken you back after you left me out of the blue.

This feeling of sadness, regret & fear, so many tears I’ve shed over the years.

So many things I have I should be grateful, some people don’t even have shelter yet I feel hateful.

I never knew I could be so expressive, a once shy kid who was once so dismissive

I think back at the times when I got acne, thinking nobody could love me from feeling so trashy.

When I went out I’d look at my phone, looking at the time just waiting to get home

Should I text her or should she text me? Oh fuck off anxiety just let me be.

As I write this poem just 18 more days of being 23, I wish I could say the thought excites me.

St George’s day on April 23rd, but I’m no saint and not a George either, Shakespeare’s birthday who later died of a fever.

Cocaine, weed, mdma, they no longer made me small, but I look back and I’m not proud at all. A cancerous pub known as red lion, but more like a cheetah, filled with personalities like dried Ryvita

All eggs in one basket is the way I am, no one wants to be alone when they lie in their casket.

I don’t search for them women much as I’ve not had much luck, which is a shame cos I yearn for a relationship not just a fuck.

Every time I seem to look for you you’re not around, and when things start to look up the sun goes back down.

When I see my Nan she’s physically there, not knowing who we are but I hope she knows we care.

When I think of my Grandad passing too soon, an early phone call to tell us the news.

The pain of yesterday, I wish it would go away, like the end of small soldiers when they sail away.

I write down my thoughts I put on a song, a lack of sex drive that’s all but gone.

I don’t even know how long it’s been, oh how I fucking long for the day someone makes a time machine. I’ll be first in line, I’ll beg for a ticket, maybe I’ll stop to see you for a quick visit.

I was feeling happy I thought you were too, I guess we’ll no longer be seeing Blink-182.

An antidepressant a flake of snow, years of sadness wondering if anyone will ever know.

Not even mad just very confused, random thoughts of death out of blue.

You don’t want a partner just wanna be friends, but a partner is a friend, a friend to the end.

Plenty of fish but I saw a giraffe, standing proudly amongst the tall grass. You didn’t remember the first time around, will this time be different will we stand on solid ground.

You should have told me sooner I would have stopped falling, falling for you instead you were stalling.

A giraffe shaped necklace for you on your birthday, lucky I didn’t buy it as I guess I would have had to chuck it away.

Well I think that’s about it, there’s probably lots I’ve missed, I guess I’ll keep on going till I find happiness.