Hi Sasha,
Thank you for your candid post — I can only imagine that speaking openly about these incidents must be difficult because of the risk of backlash. Your courage will help other women and other URMs do the same, and hopefully it will help everyone understand the frequency and ubiquity of these incidents.
I would like to offer a message to fellow males who may read some of the specific examples and shrug their shoulders to say “that one does not seem like such a big deal.” It is true that, taken in isolation, some of Sasha’s examples may seem relatively harmless, as she herself admits. But imagine living in a world where on a regular basis (a) men approach you based only on your physical appearance; and (b) men seem to believe that your intellect and skills are secondary or insignificant. Being exposed frequently to this kind of implicit judgment would be devastating to anyone’s self-confidence, and it completely justifies being leery of such behaviors, even those that may seem insignificant on their own.
This is particularly important in the workplace: people get jobs because of their skills, not because of their looks. Showing your interest in a colleague strictly because of her physical appearance effectively says “I don’t see your value as a contributor to the success of this organization.”
Save your pickup lines for bars and parties, and learn to be respectful and appreciative, so that people like Sasha (and your mothers, sisters and daughters) can enjoy their life and career, and feel confident in their contributions.
