It seems that the only thing that's constantly in fashion is our own insecurity. - Unknown
I once knew this amazing gym instructor in her late 30s- a business woman and a single mother. She once proudly declared to me she was maintained by this young Arab man whom she met at a bar in Changkat; her very own cute toy boy. The last one was an African man and other strings of cute stand-ins. Her familiar script she told me was that these men were going to protect and offer her security; buy her the big house and affordable KLite respectability, at least probably she doesn't need to work so hard anymore. Although by the looks of her drama I always had this uncomfortable notion that they were using her for sex, or perhaps even her money, even as she had so 'wisely' impart her wisdom to me, "Ida, all men want the same thing, they just want your tuuuuu**", and I was adamant to stay innocent, "but Kak,' I cooed, "where have you been hanging out? You want a good man, go to the Masjid!" I had suggested half jokingly as she scoffed just as easily, "hah! They are even worst!"But I had an immense respect for her and her tumultuous life nonetheless because by God (that's an exclamation point and not by God's sets of rules) she LIVED it. And by that sum part of things in our boxed living, is an admirable feat.
A couple of years later, after a part of KL was developed and Celebrity Fitness, one of the largest gym franchise in KL became the default place to exercise, I heard that her gym was forced sadly to close. And we all lost contact with each other but somehow one day, as I was parking my car, I heard a car screeched to a stop and my name was called, and there she was in all her glory and pulling me tightly in her embrace. But I couldn't draw away my eyes from how awful she had aged! It wasn't that she had aged at all but how much damage she did to her face trying to slow the natural progression of life; her skin around her eyes drooped pitifully and her lips were all swollen in its mocking mentally stuck duck pout. I felt instantly sorry and remembered how she used to drive all her gym members during her aerobics routine with this type of screaming encouragement; "you want your husband to love you? Do one more sit up!!" I was vaguely annoyed of her idiotic suggestions, because I wasn't at the gym trying to impress my then boyfriend. Nevertheless I was not aware how far she had internalized that belief; you are only worthy of love if your look a certain specifications of illogical standards.
People preach about self love all the time, it's on Oprah and all self help books but before we can make that commitment, we need to first brave ourselves to self acceptance, which is harder because it's the beginning; the root of love. When we accept ourselves, we don't need to disfigure or fix parts of ourselves to attain a 'perfect' look so that we can finally love ourselves but aspiring nonetheless towards external validations from others. Often, people whom are genetically beautiful fail to accept their small little imperfections, seemingly always being able to hide behind their other perfect features.
Yes, we go to the gym because we want that body, but with acceptance of the years we've abused our health, we don't hate ourselves, we don't put ourselves in the cycle of self degradation because chances are, when we've reduced the pounds; we're still stuck in our fat suit.
When we have self acceptance, we aren't fearful of all our imperfections, which often modern self-love fools us into thinking that it's denying what is lacking and what our desires want to fix. When we take our makeup off, we shouldn't be scared of our internalized negative reflections; we accept all that is limiting. Self love sometimes, can be damaging when we aren't aware of the strategic marketing of perfection, have us scrambling for quick 'FIX MEs' to attain a stable equilibrium of self believe, self doubt, self knowledge, self acceptance and self love. It can sometimes be a sport that one can never do enough.
So ironically, what can we do? But seriously, self acceptance at least is attainable, what it mustn't be is self deprecating or self defeating. We must look at ourselves, you and me, accept that gravity will win, accept all our flaws, and grow out of the tired idealism; set goals, YES DO, but don't forget to begin to celebrate yourself, somehow, when we do that, people will see what we internally believe, but even if they don't, it's OK.
You didn't it for them anyways.