Eff Your Caffeine Detox
Five years ago, I gave up meat completely.
Giving up smoking was hard, but I did that, too.
I’m in the process of successfully giving up Tim Tams (hard) and the occasional alcoholic beverage (a little harder).
I work out and meditate every day.
I drink lots of water.
But I cannot give up coffee.
Listen, I tried.
Some days I can go without it — I’ll feel too dehydrated and I’ll skip it.
If I ignore the crippling headache long enough, my body settles into a sort of uncomfortable acceptance.
The next day, my body makes it very clear that we’ve lived long enough and we no longer deserve to function.
The green tea I force down my throat ends up mostly on my face because after drinking it for five minutes I’d rather rip the bag open and turn it into a green tea face mask (true story).
By day three, I’m in bed by 6 pm.
Day four never comes because by then I’ve already decided life isn’t worth living if I haven’t consumed an entire bucket of coffee by 10 am. So I either die or consume an entire bucket of coffee by 10 am — whichever comes first. (So far, it’s the latter).
How do you detox from coffee?
Also, why?
Why would you even want to?
I’m trapped in an endless caffeine loop and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
