Yes, I’m really OK with it

Recently the love of my life came out as a man. Since then I’ve heard one question repeated over and over again by friends, especially friends from the lesbian community.

Are you OK with it?

I mean, it feels like the answer is just too obvious for words. I’m not OK, I’m overjoyed. I love this man more than my limited vocabulary can express. There’s almost nothing more precious to me than his happiness, and how can a person be happy when they aren’t being true to themselves?

I first suspected this was coming after a handful of sleepy late night conversations. When he came out to me, I wasn’t surprised. Deep down I was expecting it and the anticipation gave me ample time to really think through what his transitioning would mean for me.

It’s never been a dominant part of my identity, but I’ve been an out-and-proud lesbian for a very long time. I’m an out-and-proud lesbian who is in love with and committed to a man. I’m still trying to figure out how I can reconcile that identity in a way that doesn’t diminish the fact that my partner, my boyfriend, is a man. I don’t know that I can reconcile those things/. I don’t yet know what place this leaves me in queer spaces, if it leaves me any place there at all. Does my voice still count as a queer voice? I don’t know. In the end, it probably doesn’t even matter.

I am looking forward to all of the amazing changes Graham will go through in the coming months and years. He’s already so much more comfortable in his own skin, and with continued treatment he’s going to continue discovering more and more of himself.

But for all the changes, the things that made me fall in love with him aren’t going anywhere. He will still smile with his whole body. He will still rest his head on my shoulder and doze off while we ride the subway. He will still be honest and strong and confident and capable. He will still be a doting parent. He will still be a brilliant engineer who cracks terrible puns and quotes awkward song lyrics. He will still make me laugh, more than anyone has ever made me laugh. He will still make me feel loved and cherished and desired.

That’s what matters. I know my friends mean only the best with their questions. For you, the answer is yes, I’m OK with it. I couldn’t be happier.

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