How was your day yesterday?

I called my mom yesterday to let her know that I demonstrated the utmost hospitality to her friends that visited Berkeley in such a fashion that would make her proud, and they were on their way to visit Los Angeles. We chatted for a few minutes before I had to rush to class, and she talked about how life back at home is. My dad was doing well. My cat misses me. My aunt is still in China. And then she told me: my grandpa might have cancer.

She went on to say that we are still waiting for the results; everything should be fine; don’t be late for class. The phone call ended, and I went on with my day.

I sat through my Plant Biology lecture, studiously took notes my introductory Economics class, and ate dinner with an old friend. I got to my dorm, logged onto Facebook, and messaged my best friend from back home for our weekly Skype date. I endured the horrendously slow elevator (at least it isn’t broken) and plopped myself on a couch in the lounge, which has more reliable WiFi.

Our call connected, and we talked about our classes, our busy schedules, and how we felt about it. Our chatter reached a silence, and I suddenly blurted, “So, my mom told me my grandpa might have cancer.” I then continued to surprise myself (and probably her as well) and started bawling. She sat there and didn’t know what to say. I don’t blame her.

Through my conservation with her, I realized three things:

First, I realized how frustrating it is when you want to change something so badly, yet there is nothing for you to do. Every difficult, “impossible” situation I encountered prior to yesterday was usually just a result of my laziness and lack of time management. I had never felt that feeling, like I was trapped and wanted to escape with every inch of my being. There was always something I could do to get myself out. But, not this time.

Second, I realized how beautiful it is to have a friend like mine. She sat there and cried with me. She didn’t have to say anything, but she communicated just what I needed.

Third, I realized another difficulty of being a college student. As desperately as I want to be there for my family, especially my grandfather, I can’t. I am here, learning. I am here, trying to make myself better. I am here, doing my best to improve the world.

Yesterday was hard.