Only a small number of us have faced ourselves.

Mar. 20, 2022

12:55

In January this man, who I was dating at the time, tossed me some words. He implied I needed to face my issues head-on, without the help of cannabis. I verbally agreed and appreciated his lecture. Everything was taken with a grain of salt, although I was aware I used the substance as an emotional crutch. The only reason he even knew was that I told him. So although I was receptive it rubbed me the wrong way after. Who but I reside in my mind? Who but I know what inward challenges I face?

I did not give him unsolicited advice. However, this would be my reply to his suggestion.

You see me and immediately know what habits I should drop, and which ones I should gain. However, there is no possible way you can see what invisible barriers I must overcome to adapt. What are you hiding? What mask do you wear? I advise you to dig deep and learn why you feel you need me. Why you felt you needed the girl before me. You see what I overindulge in but you’re blind to your eagerness for emotional supply. To have someone love and in love with you.

What is addiction? Gluttony in whatever temporarily lifts our burdens. Surely you know what it is, but you aren’t aware that you are addicted to something. I see you in every person I know. Skilled at pointing out what needs to be fixed in others and completely oblivious of their shortcomings. (Matthew 7:5)

Will I ever be free of flaws? No. How I adapt at every stage of my life is tailored exactly for that chapter though. The version of me today is perfect; I did yesterday and survived. Tomorrow’s me is also perfect because I set my intentions today and work towards refinement every second. W/ love.