Bullying: More Complicated and Hurtful Than You Think
By: Terra Orgeron
Last week, No Name-Calling Week (NNCW) was held at many schools across the US. Name calling is a kind of bullying, so, this time we took a deep look into it as a subject.
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NNCW was started in 2004 by GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network) to bring awareness to name-calling and as a call to celebrate kindness. Name-calling is a form of verbal bullying. According to www.stopbullying.gov, bullying is “unwanted, aggressive behavior (…) that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.”
There are four types of bullying:
- Physical: hurting someone’s body or possessions. It includes hitting or kicking, spitting, tripping or pushing, destroying or taking someone’s property.
- Verbal: saying or writing mean words to or about someone. It includes teasing, name-calling, taunting, threatening, inappropriate sexual comments.
- Relational (Social): hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. It includes purposely excluding someone, spreading rumors, embarrassing someone in public.
- Cyberbullying: bullying using electronic devices. It includes mean emails or texts, rumors posted on social media, embarrassing photos and videos posted online.
According to the CDC’s 2015 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance, 20.2% of high school students reported being bullied on school property and 15.5% had been electronically bullied.
Cyberbullying can be harder to deal with because it can occur 24/7, can be done anonymously, and it is very difficult to completely remove images and messages after they have been posted. At the same time, it can perpetuate the other types of bullying. Think of a video of classmates making someone else trip, laughing about it; think of a strand of abusive comments on a social media profile. What’s more difficult, sharing something online can be the start of an experience with bullying if it falls into the wrong hands, at the wrong time. Bullying does not have to be restricted to one type and, in many cases, will include multiple forms of harassment.
Risk Factors
Anyone can be bullied and anyone can bully others. Many of us experience both sides at some point in their lives. It’s important to think about the role of intersectionality in bullying. People with disabilities, of color, and LGBTQ face higher instances of bullying.
Bullying, specially at a young age, is a very complex topic and it is difficult to pinpoint the exact risk factors on either side of the issue. According to the American Society for the Positive Care of Children, children at risk of being bullied generally are those who are perceived as different from peers.
The same organization explains that children that engage in bullying behavior may have one or more of the following contributing factors:
- Issues at home or with parents
- Friends who bully others
- A positive view of violence
- Difficulty following rules
Effects of Bullying
Children who are bullied may feel isolated. Bullying can make the target feel helpless or weak. They can fear repercussions from the perpetrator, fear being judged, fear rejection from peers, or feel socially isolated.
Bullying can have long-term effects on both the person being bullied and, believe it or not, the bully. These include mental health issues like depression, anxiety, self-harm, and body dysmorphia. At the most extreme, bullying can lead to suicide. Mental health issues often affect the child’s physical health, academic performance, and relationships.
The bullies themselves are at risk of further violent and dangerous behavior into adulthood. There are very good reasons not to label a child as a “bully” as it can be a harmful label. Being labelled a bully may discourage those children from seeking help to improve their behavior.
Resources to Eliminate and Prevent Bullying
In the article How to Listen So That Kids Will Talk About Bullying, author and school counselor, Signe Whitson, gives this advice when talking to children about bullying:
- Stay calm, as this will show that the situation is manageable.
- Express sympathy, say “I am sorry that this is happening to you.”
- Thank the child and acknowledge the courage it took for them to tell you.
- Encourage problem solving by letting the child take the lead, but reassure that you will help and they do not have to do it on their own.
- Don’t forget to follow up, as this will convey ongoing support.
Effective bullying prevention and actions against it must involve everyone in the community. All of us, as bystanders, as students, parents, teachers, community members, former bullies and the bullied alike, must take a strong stance against bullying.
Addressing bias and disrespect in our communities will go a long way to helping resolve bullying behaviors. We need to encourage a value and respect for diversity, educating ourselves and those around us, and also building and maintaining safe spaces for underrepresented communities to report and seek support from bullying. We all have the power to speak up against bullying and treat each other with kindness, respect, and compassion.
If difficult or impossible in person, taking a stance against bullying is achievable online in various forums, such as if-me. We are a community to share mental health experiences, openly, without judgement, and in the safest virtual environment. We are also an open source project, so if you want to help virtual safe spaces, visit our Patreon page, or join us by writing to join.ifme@gmail.com. We are always welcoming of new collaborators from different backgrounds and with different skill sets.
