Queer Student Confidentiality
It makes sense that eventually this would happen. Queerness has been under attack in schools recently, and more laws are going into effect minimizing the potential safety of queer kids at school. This provision in specific is in Florida and Alabama: outlawing kids coming out at school without parental knowledge.
So, what do these laws actually do? Well, this provision states that should a student come out to a teacher, that teacher is required to “out” them — tell of their identity without their permission — to the families of these students. So if Janice comes from an unsupportive home, and tells a teacher in confidence that they are a lesbian, then her parents are about to know that about them, screw the consequences. She could get kicked out of the house, have to pay for college on their own, or lose her spot in the family, all for something about herself she did not want to be shared.
Why this specific example? Because that’s my best friend’s story. They were very out in high school — GSA, led anti-homophobia protests, told teachers, etc. But Janice wasn’t out at home, and was able to keep it a secret from their parents for all of high school and college so far. And she needed that protection; their parents could definitely have disowned her. Nobody ever outed them to their parents, and because of that, Janice thrives in university today (and plans to become a teacher herself). What would have happened if these new laws had been in place where we lived? Well, they certainly wouldn’t have trusted her teachers, and couldn’t have participated in the GSA. They wouldn’t have been comfortable coming out to me the first time we hung out, bonding ourselves over queerness for life. And they most certainly would not have been able to speak out about the homophobia on campus, and make the campus a better place. Janice’s life would have been so different (and so wrong) with these laws, and I promise you she is not an anomaly.
Now, kids from supportive families would be fine under this new law, right? Nope. I’m that kid. My parents were (and are) very supportive, and my mom reacted calmly when I came out, relieved that I finally told her what was on my mind. However, I wouldn’t have had the strength to come out with the law in place.
My teacher was the first to know. The night after I realized I was more comfortable in a dress, I told him after school. I was confused and awkward, and he was the only person I felt comfortable telling on campus. I certainly wasn’t ready to come out at home. So, he kept my secret, and helped validate my feelings (it’s okay, Rose, that’s totally normal), and helped me gain confidence so, after a month, I was ready to come out to my mom. But before then, I couldn’t do that — so with the new law, I certainly wouldn’t have told my teacher. The fear of being forced out would have kept me away. And then I might not have come out for awhile, and found my true self so much time later — losing valuable time of being a kid and being me.
Now, parents naturally want to know things about their child so they can better support them. And usually, this is a very good system. If the child is experiencing depression or thoughts of self-h*rm, of course good parents should know this in order to offer support and services (if financially available). But queerness is a very different thing. Queerness is not wrong, is not dangerous, is not shameful, and most of all, is not public information. Hiding one’s queerness from parents is a completely natural thing to do, especially if the children would be put in danger, but importantly, it is normal for children of supportive parents as well. It takes time to gather up the courage to come out. It takes time and strength and a lot of self-love. So if kids want to feel seen by authority figures (like teachers) before they are willing and able to let their parents know, then the last thing we should do is stand in their way and block that view.
All the love,
Rose
