6 Human Needs

As of 6/22/2017, these are my thoughts on the 6 Human Needs.


CERTAINTY

I’ve struggled with certainty for years.

I was constantly in survival mode. I was alone, disconnected, hopeless, and insecure.

When our certainty is threatened, it is difficult to think clearly. When we are uncertain about something that matters, nothing else functions.

I’ve dealt with this differently in the past. The first hit was the heartbreak. Then it was family. Then it was PhD. Then it was health. And eventually it led to an existential life crisis. Heartbreak takes time. Family takes forgiveness. PhD takes grit (plus million other things). Health takes science. But life takes who-know-what? Self-discovery maybe.

“Are you meeting your need for certainty in a way that is empowering or disempowering you?”

Empowering? Probably not. My way of coping right now is to lower my expectations or to have none at all. With sweat and tears fighting all these, life has numbed me.


VARIETY

The problem with certainty is that once we have it in every respect, we get bored. Our passion is found in the realm of uncertainty, or variety.

Little certainty leaves little room for variety. Does watching Games of Throne count by the way?


SIGNIFICANCE

When someone points a gun at you, how significant are they in your life right now? They are life-and-death significant. Violence is the fastest and cheapest way to get a feeling of significance from others.

I never thought of it this way before. We hurt others because we want to feel significant. I think it sort of makes sense. Being verbally abusive probably works the same way. The power of the dark side is so strong, and I’m so sorry if I ever hurt you.

There are a million ways to be significant. What is yours?

I think being a dog mom is one of them.


LOVE AND CONNECTION

People find connection through friendship, through sports or community. Other people get it through pets, or through art. Some may get it through meditation or by being in nature.

I’m constantly seeking connection even though I don’t really know how. While friendship is the most important thing to me, I often seek comfort from being in /surrounded by nature. Loving can hurt sometimes. Nature can heal most of the time.


GROWTH | CONTRIBUTION

These are the needs of your spirit.

I’ve never thought about growing until my late 20s (spoiler: now). It’s been a constant battle of chronic stress and endless dramas since the beginning of my 20s. Now things seem to slow down a bit, and I’ve gained many valuable lessons from the mistakes of my young self. I will surely continue to make mistakes, but knowing that there is something to gain from the pain does make a difference.

Contribution will give your life meaning. When we give beyond ourselves, we live in a world of abundance and compassion.

I haven’t figured out the grand plan for my life contribution. My little plan for now is to be decent and kind and be a good dog mom.


WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO

What’s at the top of your list, and how are you meeting that need? The human need at the top of your list determines your direction, and your direction determines the ultimate destination.

The priority changes over time. It was once certainty and only certainty. The need of certainty is met with patience, experience, and time. Variety was never on top of the list. I was needing significance in the past, so needy that it became self-destructive and painful.

Love and connection and growth are my current top two needs, and I’m still learning how.