Read Me First (:
Lately, I’ve gotten back into journaling, and I’ve been thinking, why not write something while I’m at it that I can share with everyone? Like publish it, at least for a few to see. This whole journaling journey has become a long and big part of my life. It’s my way of expressing feelings and emotions since speaking can be a bit tough for me, apart from doing a presentation or something related to academic or work-related stuff, it feels so easy. But, when it comes to emotions, it’s a whole different story. It just feels off.
It takes me back to when I was a kid. I was deeply affected by the pain I caused others, leaving me a long-lasting burden. All those times felt like I just wanted to release what was boiling inside, but my word was too harsh and always hit right into the bull's eye. I could learn such a vocab but not be accompanied by the ability to feel what words should be worth saying. Maybe I wasn't fully mature, but still, that's not an excuse for hurting someone.
From that moment, mini-me realized that this mouth had the authority to make someone sad. Totally regret it.
Long story short, when I was a kid I started journaling in buku sidu hehe and wrote so many things starting with "Dear diary,.." whenever I was sad hahaha. And I wanted to keep those diaries from anyone but me. But then, I remember my mom talking to me about something she wasn’t supposed to know, and I suspected she had read all of those private things. Yeah, I got totally really mad, but at the same time, I felt relieved because she understood what was boiling inside of me. Later on, my Budhe bought me a diary book with a small lock on it, and I remember I wore the key as a necklace all the time.
Since that time, I already have had an interest in writing. Still, there's no significant improvement yet because I got distracted by drawing and the influence of mass-growing internet sjsjjsjsjs.
However, now I know what I am skilled at. Hehe *wink wink*
Based on my opinion (heheje), I am skilled at expressing myself through written words. Whether in a journal or a carefully crafted message to a friend. I articulate my thoughts and emotions in a way that feels authentic and true to who I am. While speaking may not always come naturally to me, writing provides the ability to connect with others through the power of words.
You can learn from Taylor Swift or Namjoon; they are geniuses. They are so good at expressing their emotion through words and have a good choice in the dictionary. They know how to use it, from the delicate to the bad-ass one. Somehow, I’m jealous of their bravery to call out whoever the hell that makes their life beautiful or miserable.
Especially Taylor. Many people said that Taylor is just being bitter or cruel towards someone or her exes who’s hurt her before by calling them out in her songs. I dunno what they mean by being bitter or cruel. I think she just voices out the wrongdoings which she experienced from those people.
What we shouldn’t do is talk bad about other people. BUT. Don’t ever go silent if people wronged you.
Especially for women. We know that back in the day women may encounter backlash, harassment, or threats for expressing their voices and views. Even now, Taylor still got the same perception from people, just for voicing out her life experience beautifully. However, I found that’s part of a powerful act. How can she transform all of those good and bad experiences into something artistically beautiful, generate a substantial amount of money, and also provide valuable insights for others to apply in their own lives?
That’s how powerful words are. It may be bad if you don’t know how to use it, but it may be a whole-good-life-changing reason if you know how to use it. That’s why, as I keep up with my journaling habit, I wanna write about my life experiences as well. Maybe it can be helpful to others, even if it’s just a few tidbits here and there. I’m not using this platform to gain attention or anything like that. I simply wanna share whatever I feel like sharing, even if nobody ends up reading it.
I don’t use this platform to make fun of things or any particular person. But, if you get triggered by something you read here, then you must reflect on your own self. I’m not perfect either; if there are any mistakes or inappropriateness, feel free to correct me.
Last but not least, I wanna give a disclaimer about my writing style. I’m confused about the writing style that I’m gonna use. Sometimes I wanna write in my typical Twitter acc style, yea sumn that’s kinda friendly type like this aightttt?
On the other hand, I am concerned about using informal language and improper punctuation, moreover getting in the role as an assistant researcher which got me used to providing proper citations and resources for all my statements. Look, that sounds stiff right?
Maybe, I’m gonna incorporate those two, a mix of formal and informal styles. So please don’t complain to me for using “so” instead of “however” in the first sentence, or for not using the complete structure hehe.
Maybe here you’ll come across memes or read others’ opinions from Twitter, and you might also come across statements and citations from academic journals since I wanna make sure that this writing remains enjoyable and relatable within our everyday context while still incorporating positive and meaningful insights.
And, I chose to write in English not only because I have foreign friends and want everyone to be able to read it universally, but also because I want to learn and expand my vocabulary. Honestly, I’m a bit afraid of making grammar mistakes, but that won’t hold me back. So, I apologize in advance if there are any grammatical errors or awkward wording. I’m determined to improve and get better at it. That’s all, hope you enjoy and… thank you (:
Lots of love and hugs,
Ilma
