How To Exit The Subway Like A Boss

That feeling when you first see daylight after exiting an unfamiliar subway stop. It’s the moment where you realize you have no fucking clue which way to go or what way is north. Somewhere a few dozen staircases back you got distracted by the homeless dude taking a shit on the wall and you lost track of how many turns you took so now you get to the top clueless about which way to go. Sometimes you’ll get lucky and you’ll spot a familiar landmark, like the World Trade Center, and know that that’s south. But what about the other times? Do you pull out your compass and sextant and plot out your path on your parchment paper and map? Fuck no, that would be hella embarrassing! You could also start walking and see which street you hit first. But then you get to 6th Ave and you still don’t really know which way is north, you just know that you are near 6th Ave. So you have to walk another fucking block and finally you get to 7th Ave and discover that in fact you are going west. Awesome. Only not, because you are now ten minutes late to a very important meeting with the some grouchy investor who has now decided not to give you money because you were five minutes late and thus considers you completely incompetent. And you’re still two fucking avenues in the wrong direction and halfway across the width of Manhattan from where you need to be.

Let’s be honest. New York subways are confusing as fuck. I say this having navigated much more sane rapid transit systems like Tokyo (which has this sexy numbering system that tells you which way you are going) and Berlin (which tend not to have spiraling, multi-level stairway systems). So here’s how to get yourself out of the subway and to your cute little investor meeting as quickly as fucking possible:

1. Know which way the train is going. This is easy as long as you aren’t totally incompetent. If you are taking the L from Brooklyn, you are obviously going west. Know that shit.
2. When you get off, let’s say at 6th Ave, visualize holding your arm out, pointing in whichever direction the train was going. Don’t actually hold your arm out — that’s fucking weird.
3. As you go up the many levels of staircases and turn 180 degrees, keep picturing your arm pointing in that same direction even as you turn. You may have initially been pointing behind you, but now you are pointing ahead of you. Etc.
4. Keep visualizing this, following the same cardinal direction, until you get above ground. Now you know which way west is. Congrats.
5. You will probably fuck up the first few times you try this and forget to turn your imaginary arm when you turn yourself, but after awhile you’ll do this without even thinking about it and you’ll never have to walk two blocks in the wrong direction again.

For a more in-depth discussion on the topic, check out this lengthy reddit post.