A Grain of Relationship

There are so many articles packed with advice for relationships. How to know if “they are the one” or that it’s toxic or whatever you’re trying to figure out about your current relationship (side note: this applies to all types of relationships). Sometimes the overwhelming amount of articles written and shared bring about a type of pressure that make you feel (at least for me) like that is how it’s supposed to work. Well what if my relationships don’t look like what is described in the article? Does that mean that something is wrong, if the article was about healthy relationships? Or does that mean that everything is exactly as it should be, if the article was about toxic relationships? It doesn’t mean any of that.

All relationships look different because all people are different. Just because things happened for one couple one way does not mean that it’ll happen for you that way.

Everyone talks about these #RelationshipGoals with a variety of couples. Is it wrong to aspire for your relationships to be like someone else’s? I don’t think it’s wrong to say you’d like for it to be like what you see. That doesn’t mean that it will be that way, because everyone is different. Things happen for different people at different times. I’ve had friends who have gotten engaged after a month of knowing each other and others who have become engaged after knowing each other for years. Most of my friendships are the type where we can go for long periods of time without talking, but we pick back up like time apart never happened. I know others who prefer to have the every day conversations.

There are fundamentals that apply to all relationships, but they are not always going to look like a grand standard that will make all relationships the exact same. So why strive towards having relationships that look like someone else’s? Why not let things take the time they need — because some relationships take a few weeks before something happens and others a few months. That doesn’t mean allow your relationships to become unhealthy before you do anything about them. Be aware of what makes a relationship healthy and unhealthy.

Now, I’m not saying to never read those articles, because some of them make great points. What I’m saying is take the advice given with a grain of salt. It’s okay if your relationship doesn’t match that of an overly-shared article. You are you and your friends, family, and significant other are their own unique selves. No one fits into a “perfect relationship” formula. Everything has the possibility to offer an opportunity for growth; which can only happen if you see it and seize it.

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