Why I Can’t Let Go of You
Why was everyone in her world a taker and destroyer? Single-Minded, self-interested murders that couldn’t see a picture bigger than their own.
She had always been a giver. A giver of her whole self; with a deep longing for her fervor for pleasing to be reciprocated.
And he had taken everything from her.
It started with her mind….
He had wrapped his twisted way of life around every neuron; transmitting his darkness through her. His insecurities, his negativity, his anger, his fucked up past. Replacing her naivety to life with a pandora’s box of fuckery.
Then he took her soul…
Every inch of it. A deep pit in her throat; she was reminded she wasn’t the only one. The only one that had him. The only one that was giving. She felt the wall he was building; the wasted energy of trying to tear it down. step after step, she built the stairs to his heart just for him to kick her down them.
Then he took her love…
Skin to skin, sheet gripping love that made her forget who she was dealing with. A destroyer, a taker. A single-minded, self interested murder that couldn’t see a picture bigger than his own. She just wanted to be close to him, as he beat her black and blue with his indedecisevenss, his words, his actions, he had already taking her mind and soul what else was really left?
But that’s the thing about the giver. They keep giving. Giving every inch of their body to the ones that take. No questions; unconditionally, no contract, no strings. You don’t have to ask the giver because the giver gives…and gives and gives and gives.
One day she might finally leave. She doesn’t really want to, giving is her drug and taking is his. He takes from her like a machine. A clockwork rotation of draining her mind, soul and love. And that’s okay, she fills herself up, talks herself out of it and gives all over again.
Hopefully one day she will see her worth beyond giving. Hopefully one day she will stop asking the taker to validate her existence.