Her mind starts to race faster with all kinds of angry thoughts exhausting her. She hated being angry, that would consume her energy more than anything else.”Okay, now who’s finding excuses?” she thinks in confusion. She realized she had to defend herself from herself as even God must’ve forgotten about her, or she’s forgotten about Him. She didn’t know if there would be a Judgement Day up in the sky or down into the Earth when she’d be told if she did good or bad in this lifetime. What she knew was that she had been living Judgement Day every day with herself for so long and that wasn’t pretty either. That’s when you cannot cover absolutely anything. You’re just naked in front of a mirror. You cannot make your boobs bigger with a push up bra or wear a loose top to hide your missing waste line. You are just what you are and you may not like it sometimes. You can throw out the mirror, you can cover or ignore it, that would be an option but she hadn’t been able to do it. She saw her naked soul, its need for danger, for the adrenaline rush from hiding, for the feeling of a sixteen year old, the need of being wanted with a passion that comes with a new beginning. She saw it all during those long sleepless nights, but she hadn’t been able to fight it. It had made her so alive.
They all turned their back on her now, it’s true, but isn’t that what we all do to show an image of a moral, well behaved family guy or proper person? That thought came to her mind as she tried to calm herself down.”No one knows what’s behind the scenes, we only see the stage. You cannot blame people for trying to show a good image of themselves in this world where everything is about image,” she keeps thinking.
They all love her, she knew that for sure and she also knew that deep in their hearts they understood her.