Source: Tim Collins

What if pomades were programming languages?

Christian Vismara
Feb 18, 2016 · 4 min read

Among all the articles I read so far I’ve found a lot of interesting tips to hack my life. Stuff like how to increase my productivity with a tomato or weird ways to store wires in toilet paper tubes. But no one really gave me suggestions on how I could scientifically improve my choices when dealing with physical appearance.

Ok, this may sound shallow but I mean, I’m a techie guy. I deal every day with machines and complicated algorithms. I have a method for pretty much everything I do. I develop strategies, I measure performances, and I optimize procedures, but when it comes time to take a decision that requires taste, then, I’m lost.
I’m not saying that I just roll in my closet waiting for clothes to stick on me, no, but every time I choose what to wear or how to groom myself I always feel like the decisions I take are kind of random. I don’t follow any procedure, taste hasn’t been formally defined yet and this used to drive me crazy.

Then one day the epiphany: what if I could somehow simplify the decision process? What if it was possible to define rules to systematically beat the what-to-wear dilemma? What if IT and grooming tools were actually much more similar than what generations of geeks and faddists believed?

This is the story of how I came up with:

The first semi-serious decision framework for wannabe-cool science-driven guys

Yes, pomades. For a man, hair grooming is kind of like make-up for girls.
Most of them look good even without it. But they know how to use it to jump from quite pretty to stunningly gorgeous. (FYI: Women use pomade too, check here)

Feeling intrigued? Let’s start to dive deeper. First of all: what is a pomade? Wikipedia says:

Pomade (/pɒˈmeɪd/; French pommade) is a greasy or waxy substance that is used to style hair. Pomade gives the user’s hair a shiny, slick appearance, and does not dry it out. […] Stiffening properties of pomades make sculptured hairstyles such as the pompadour or quiff possible.

Here some examples on how cool you may end up looking:

Source: Pinterest

I know, you’re still confused. This stuff look cool but how can I choose the right one? Elementary, my dear Watson: you just compare pomades and programming languages, finding out they have more in common than what you believed!

Murray’s Superior C. Old school, hard to master, but if people are still using it after so many tears, it must be good. For the ones that want to dive deep into pomades’ history.

Source: Sapvuottoc.vn

Suavecito Firme HoldRuby. Very popular, works quite well and smells amazing. Unfortunately it comes with annoying fanboys.

Source: Greasyhand.com

Reuzel RedJava. Boring but hey, it works.

Source: The Pomp

Reuzel PinkC#. Same as above, but oil (Microsoft) based.

Source: Theavenuelife.pl

Uppercut Deluxe Matt Clay Html. The former is not a pomade as the latter is not a programming language. Easy peasy.

Source: Routeone.eu

Layrite Super HoldPython. Easy to use, good for beginners and liked by experts. It works so good you might be tempted to skip trying the other ones. Don’t: you won’t get the complete feeling of what pomading (or programming) is.

Source: Harmedia.co.uk

American Crew PomadeObjective-C. Son of marketing: people use it, no one understands why. I’m waiting for them to make their own Swift.

Source: Groomistry.com

Bonus: DIY Pomade Arduino/Raspberry Pi. Ok here I’m breaking the rules a bit. This is the pomade for Makers. If you want to know everything about what you’re wearing and feel proud about it, the Internet is full of cool tutorials. Here you can find one.

Source: Thecraftygentleman.com

I hope my guide helped enlighting the murky world of pomades. I will come back to you soon with another chapter of the first semi-serious decision framework for wannabe-cool science-driven guys. In the meantime, I’d like know what you think about this first episode.

  1. The Pomp by @james bui
  2. The Dapper Society
  3. Cameron A’s Youtube Channel

Thanks to Patricia Keleher.

Christian Vismara

Written by

Professional Snack Thief 🍫