The Kellyanne Diaries, Part 1
Kady Ruth Ashcraft
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It would be interesting to know, in her personal life, does Kelly Anne tell her family or friends alternate facts.

“What kind of meat is this, honey?

“Oh, it’s minced prime rib meat.”

“Really? It takes odd and it’s a bit tough”.

“Oh it’s friendly meat with a real bite. Just dig your teeth into it!”

“What size dress do you wear? “

“Oh size doesn’t count, as long as it’s fitting enough, so I can wear it!”

“How old are you, Dear?”

“I turned 35 last week”.

“But Wikileaks says you were born in 1967.”

“Oh that’s Fake News and the imagination of my friends. I am age appropriate for my generation.”

“How many children do you have?”

“Well that depends on why you are asking. Does a lot or a few sound better to Trump? Better go and ask my Nanny.”

“No, my parents didn’t divorce when I was 3, they just went their separate ways”.

“Yes, I picked berries in the summers to make money, like all good Republicans but I used gloves so not to get any blue in me. The purple? Or it changed to red a lot, I washed my hands so much!

Yes I know temporary seasonal workers do that job now but I made more money then, than they do now! It’s the American way!

Yes, one of my clients was Vaseline but I didn’t grease any slopes. I was never a grease monkey just a political junkie.

Yes, one of my clients was Vaseline but I didn’t grease any slopes. I was never a grease monkey just a political junkie.

Just because I worked for Mike Pence, didn’t get me the job for Trump. It just fell into my lap.

Yes I worked on Gingrich’s presidential bid, but he didn’t lose, he chose another career path.

I didn’t say Trump is ‘a man who seems to be offending his way to the nomination’. I said he ‘was amending his ways, for the nomination.’ “ I didn’t say ‘Donald Trump has literally bulldozed over the little guy to get his way’. I said ‘he literally pulled dozens of little guys into the fray” so they would vote for him.”

“Has President Trump read your co-authored book, ‘What Women Really Want: How American Women Are Quietly Erasing Political, Racial, Class, and Religious Lines to Change the Way We Live’?”

“He’s too busy running the country!”

“Do you think he would agree with what’s put forth in your book?”

“He is mindful of all the intricacies of running this country and making him, I mean America great again, no matter how or what needs to be done!”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Let me put it to you as succinctly as I can. Have you read my book? Has anyone read my book? Donald will read my book when the time is right, I assure you.”

“Last 3 questions. Do you believe in global warming?”

“I am not sure. I have been hot and cold, off and on these past few years. But I am only 35! If I can get hot and cold regularly so can the earth. It doesn’t mean anything!”

“Do you think there are any truths to the spy report that Russia might have confidential information about his personal life that could jeopardize our national security?”

“Trump respects women. Especially women like me. The ones who tell the truth, all the time. The women in Russia, the ones the media are suggesting he met with? They are all lying. They are not like me. Trump wouldn’t like them.”

“But he pays you well?”

“Yes.”

“And you defend him and are loyal to him?”

“Yes, of course. I want to keep him happy and stroke his ego. He likes that!”

“If Trump had lots of money, he could pay for prostitutes to keep him happy and pay them well to keep quiet?”

“I don’t need to discuss what never happened! You are trying to delegitimize my President! You do this all the time! There is no basis for such accusations and Trump respects women like me so he wouldn’t do such a thing! He pays women like me very well to keep him happy. I support him for that!”

“Last question.” Will President Trump make a good President?”

“Of course! He won a landslide victory! The biggest landslide, ever! He had the biggest crowds in history at his inauguration. He has the biggest hands and shoes of anyone I have ever known! He is President for all of the people, not just Blacks, Muslims and Latinos. He will only bring in temporary foreign workers for his companies. He will choose the fairest judges, the smartest White Cabinet. He will create more jobs, build higher walls, get rid of poverty, slums, crime and become the richest man in the World with no conflicts of interest, I assure you. Trump is Good, Trump is Great! Amen!”

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